Why Is Happily Single So Difficult To Understand?

I don't need a dating site, but I could definately use some Mr. Clean coupons...

This morning, I hopped over to Hubpages to look at an article I wrote, essentially discussing the imminent death of Cupid should he decide to try to visit my home.  As I’m scrolling down the page, I see ad for dating site, ad for dating site, ad for hair products.  

I love my hair, so we’re cool, but what is it about me being happily single that makes someone want to market dating to me?  Why is it not enough for me to be happy in my existence? What is it about single women, especially single women my age, that makes everyone want to try to unsingle our lives?

I say often and with conviction that I am better than good with who I am.  I am happy. I don’t need to be fixed or fixed up. There’s not a cure for my level of single, because I am not broken.  I am merely alone and happy.

It makes me wonder if I was unhappily single, would that throw me into a different marketing bracket?  Those of you out there who are single and not happy about it, what do y’all get in y’all ads? Do you get dating sites and antidepressant ads?  Dating sites and massage coupons?

There isn’t anything about me that says I need to fix my life by adding a half-assed relationship to it.  This is the purposeful existence that I chose for me. It pains me to think that with everything I try to represent in my life, from my dog rescue adventures to my safety tips for singles, that the only thing that is registering in the analytics is that I’m single, and now somebody wants to fix it. 

What about single women says to everyone in the fucking universe that we must be bitter and unhappy ladies?  We certainly couldn’t be happy the way that we are. This must be some sort of plight.

I would have been ok with ads for dog food.  Tupperware. Swiffers. God knows, Mr. Clean and I have a love affair going back at least 30 years.  Any of those things would be perfectly fine. I don’t need dating apps because I don’t need a date. I don’t need an addition to me.  I don’t need anything to complete my life because I am complete. My life is complete. 

Stop trying to throw dating in my direction.  I’m great here, but I’ll take some of those massage coupons you were giving to the unhappy singles because writing columns like this makes me tense.