I Was Sure It Would Be An Angry Man...

Even in death, they'll disappoint me, it seems.

via Pexels

Hello, Bitchfaces.

Over the past year or so, I’ve had some scary shit happening with my health. I tried to sweep it under the rug, but when you’re out of breath and nearly passing out going from your driver’s seat to the trunk, people start to look at you funny.

After much prodding from my sister, the nurse, who actually said, “Bitch, you’ll die”, I decided to go have some tests run.

So, I have congestive heart failure, which has been causing a lot of fluid retention around my heart. Hence, why I feel like my lungs can’t get anything into them. Seemingly, my body has turned into some sort of fucking boa constrictor.

All these years, I was certain it would be someone’s angry ex-husband, or some militia from Idaho, or even those angry ass Egyptian dudes who talked about leaving my tits on the table for my momma to find.

It seems I’ve always been my own worst enemy.

This tracks.

I’m not going to say that being potentially the angriest woman I know might be the root cause of this, but let’s not count that shit out. Y’all know I’m ready to punch someone in the throat at the drop of a fucking hat.

That’s probably not going to change much, now that I think about it.

What will this mean for me, the Bitchface you know and read?

Not much will change, honestly. I’ll still be jumping into pitbull pens and praying my ass doesn’t get chewed off.

I’ll still come to your door and dare your abusive ass baby daddy to fucking do something about it. Because fuck him, that’s why.

I am not going to take up knitting, and I won’t become a seamstress once we’re in full revolution mode. Y’all know my motto. No sewing in the revolution for this Bitchface.

I plan to stay just as full of piss and vinegar as the day my momma hatched me from my shell, simply because it makes so many people angry.

That shit tickles me, I can’t lie.

That’s the new news from over this way. Also, if you have sisters who are nurses, they’re probably serious if they tell you some shit is going to cause you to die if you don’t fucking listen.

Don’t tell mine I said that though. She’s my baby sister; thus, she doesn’t know anything.

They never do.

-Q