Oh, shit, Bitchfaces. It’s finna be on and poppin in this bitch. Says who? Well, to start with, some church out in California.
Allow me to explain myself, lest y’all start to think I may be high.
So, y’all remember when I became an ordained minister, right? Well, they send me a newsletter once a month or so, and this month I did a triple take. The headline being “Magic Mushrooms a Path to Christ?”
Well, Christ, let me in on that info. I’ve been hanging with Baby Jesus 30, 40 years now and nobody said anything about this to me. I know. I would have remembered some shit like this.
There’s a California church who just had their tabernacle ran up in by a whole lotta cops looking for the church’s stash, and it was a payload. Clearly, these people were planning to not only meet Christ, but engage in lengthy, nonsensical conversations with him.
This is also referred to as “shooting salad”, when you’re so high you’re having a full-fledged nonsense ass conversation with someone, or no one at all. I’ve been known to call someone a salad shooter on occasion, and most of those occasions, that someone was too high for their own good.
Trust me. I know the fucking signs.
Now, I have my own history with psychedelics, none of it bad. I’ve never had a bad trip, ever. I’m always the chic giggling about nothing and everything, sitting with a Cheshire cat grin on my face, just enjoying the fuck out of everything. I think bad trips just don’t occur to me to take.
However, never in that capacity have I met Baby Jesus. I’ve met some crazy looking shit, but I assure you, this I would remember.
Maybe I should start a church of my own. However, it’s a BYOB (bring your own bag) type of situation, because some of y’all have a fucking tolerance, and I simply can’t afford every damn bodies habit in this bitch, ok? Like, your girl has a dog and shoe addiction, stop playing with me.
We could all just sit around sampling the goods until one of us gets Jesus in a sit down, hook that shit up to the Zoom, and there it is, y’all. We’re all online with Christ, so please mute yourself if you don’t know how to behave on a damned conference call.
I swear to Christ, let me hear another toilet flush during this call, I’ll disconnect your ass so fast.
Also, don’t bring any of that bunk ass old school weed to church with you. Like, I’ve had this new weed, and it sends you to planets that didn’t even exist in the old weed era. Like Pluto. I hate to be a weed snob, but not really.
Wasting my lungs on bunk as-
I digress.
So, collect up your goodies, and I’ll meet y’all at the collection plate. This is fantastic. I knew that shit was going to come in handy. Y’all finna see me minister like nobody has ever ministered before.
Yessir.
I'm here love, just battling health problems past few months been difficult. 1 day @ a time tho!😘💞Still get on & read ya when I can bc I go through WD without u! 😏🤷🏼♀️
Hell yeah!😁😂🤣🙋🏼♀️They're making a big comeback I hear. Count a bitch in mama!