Who On Earth Could Hate The Queen?
These pencildick clowns chewing their faces over there, that's who.
Well, it certainly isn’t because of the picture, because it’s damned flattering if I say so myself. Obviously, I do. Duh.
Yesterday, I was emotional like a weak ass bitch. It looked terrible on me, so I crammed some buffalo chicken potato salad (ask me for the recipe, it’s life altering) in my face, turned off my devices (unheard of), and took a very long nap. One so long Puffin quit and began doing annoying shit to get me out of bed. What a bitch.
When I checked my messages, I was reminded of something I’ll remind all of you of right now. Remember when I came here to tell you I’m now a top writer in Feminism on Medium? Yes, that would be Your Queen. Do you know how I know it’s true?
I get the most hateful of the fucking hate mail. I’m talking about, similar to the Egyptian dude who would leave my tits on the table for my mother to find after I wrote about Egypt making it legal to have sex with your wife’s dead body for up to 6 hours after the death of the wife. Was part of the equation how the wife died? Nope. Probably killed her. Also who is timing this? Probably her killer. Yeah, they were fucking big mad about that one.
So to them, I say, “Fuck You”. The columns in question aren’t even controversial, they’re actually really tame in comparison to what I normally write. Y’all know Medium is a combed over and spit polished version of what I normally have to say. It’s my “as close to politically correct as I’ll ever be” group of columns. They would find themselves flaccid while attempting to have sex with their dead wives should they stumble upon some of these little gems over here, huh?
Really, it isn’t the content though. It’s the outrage. The fucking audacity of a bitch like me to run her mouth. The goddamned nerve of this whore to say anything Unapproved By Men, Against The Grain Of Men, Without The Nod Of Men.
Well, yeah. Just like every fucking thing else in my life, I’ve found it’s much better when I don’t allow some dude to completely fuck it all up.
So, I wrote the column “Why Women Are Done Putting Up With Your Shit”, posted it here, we had some laughs, and I took it to Medium. Holy fuck me, they are pissed. I mean, I thought for sure their mothers would hear them from the basement clacking the keys they’re so fucking mad. I’m uploading the screenshots because we’re going to have a good laugh at how stupid they were to reply, and the zingers I popped off. Because, as you’re all aware, I’m a comedy writer. You don’t want to play the insult game with me.
I wrote “2022- The End Of (#notall) Men” yesterday. Oh my Baby Jesus. I love poking nests with sticks. I do, it’s always been a personal favorite past time. This I blame on my brothers, who strongly encouraged me to poke at everything with sticks. They’re assholes, much like the dudes who are in a tizzy and cannot find the “Fuck You Whore” button quick enough to tell me about myself.
So, when I go to sleep heartbroken and wake up realizing I have ruined the day of 300 men or more. Thank you. Thank you to all of the piss poor men who have broken my heart and made me cry long enough to wipe my eyes and really see exactly what I’m fucking dealing with. I then took that clarity and wrote to other women so that they, too, could see exactly who they’re dealing with. Hopefully they poked at it with a fucking stick as well.
I’ve linked the column. If you’re browsing around Medium, be sure to read the comments. I am a motherfucker in the comments. Don’t fuck with a comedy writer having a bad day. I’ll fucking bury you.
Andrew Tate was arrested yesterday in Romania after doxxing himself trying to argue with a famously loved teenager after she owned him in a fabulously funny way. It makes everything else worthwhile.