Good morning, Bitchfaces. Y’all…dirty hos in the back, it’s your lucky day, we headed down to see your kinfolk. Get your meth and dirt between your toes ready.
So, a call about a dog fight from a neighbor of this motley crew of obvious drug abusers revealed a plethora of the reasons that Inverness is no place you want to visit. If someone tries to make you visit Inverness, immediately cut that person from your life, I don’t care if it’s your own mother. She clearly is trying to bring you ill will.
Steven and Shannon Oliver, the ancient demons in the above photo arr- hey, wait just a goddam minute. 52 and 49, there’s no fucking way that is accurate. Let me check my sources really quickly.
Wellp, this folks. This is why you don’t do meth. They’re 52 and 49 and look as though they’re 52+49. I, at times like these, thank Jesus himself that my addiction to pharmaceuticals didn’t leave battle scars like this. Back to the news, as, obviously, I digress.
A call is made to the county Sheriff stating there’s some dog fighting taking place. Sheriff responds, and what they find is fucking debauchery. 13 dogs, 5 puppies, and 6, yep count’em, 6 children living in conditions so deplorable, the word deplorable just texted me not to fucking use it anymore in association with this column.
If you’re currently eating, stop. You’re welcome.
So, there’s an RV on the property, which is filled with flies, feces from the dogs, and your assortment of bugs that flock to this type of horrendous white trash vehicular incident. Better still, the people and 6 children, have been living in tents outside of the RV, apparently because the filth inside the RV was too unbearable. There is no power to the property due to nonpayment, and the same with the water utilities.
The tents these junkies, shit, I mean parents, are forcing these children to sleep in are also covered in animal feces and urine. People. Just living in waste. Oh, it gets better though, y’all know I like to bring it to the house if I’m going to do it.
Further investigation of the property reveals the hole with the human excrement in it. Oh, they did that. They really did have their 6 children going potty outside like they are animals. And the animals are going potty in the tents and RV. I can’t make this shit up people, this is how these fucking meth junkies get down.
They say there is no drug worse. I am going to have to 100% agree, and y’all know my stance on drugs is typically keep it in your own medicine cabinet and I have no room to judge. Um, I’m fucking judging now. Currently. Actively.
Anyway, back to The Bay, where the people are much less like cavepeople and godammit. Seriously. We got it in The Bay too, huh?
Fuck.
So, Tampa man Kevin Mayorga, 32, has been charged with animal cruelty, resisting with violence and domestic violence after he bit the head off of his girlfriend’s ball python during a fight.
Yes. He bit the fucking head off of her pet snake during an argument, pushed the girlfriend into a bedroom when the cops showed up after sounds of a disturbance earned them a call, then had to kick the fucking door in when this psychopath refused to open it and was holding the girlfriend hostage.
Then, he punched a cop in the eye, was tasered with absolutely zero effect, and ultimately got his ass handled by some TPD cops. Bro, check out the mugshot. Seriously, he looks like fucking Sideshow Bob on acid.
Um. Florida. I really don’t like the way 2023 is headed. Let’s just pump the fucking brakes for a second, y’all. Let a Bitchface get her fucking thoughts in order, because this shit is just nasty.
No freaking words except I don’t want my taxes to pay for their evil rotting assholliness in jail. You see where this is going…..
"the word deplorable just texted me not to fucking use it anymore in association with this column" 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
I hope those MFers rot bc the poor dogs....
And imagine being born into that shit?!