All day long it has been drizzling, freezing, and just generally Boyfriend Weather.
I’ve been standing, looking wistfully outside, every now and then sighing, just really a fucking pathetic broad. It’s disgusting.
There are very few days like this in Florida, thank God, but man…when they’re here, I’m just ridiculous. All “I could totally do a relationship, I’m clearly ready…”, and “that last shit was a fluke, just look at the relationship health and positivity coming out of my fucking pores…”.
Yeah, the dumb shit.
I couldn’t live anywhere that the weather stayed this way for any length of time. I would be aimlessly dating, just letting some random ass dude call himself my boyfriend so I could put my cold feet on him, sitting stupid close to another human being in an effort not to freeze to the seat. I’m not ready for any of that.
Hell, I’m barely ready to talk to y’all, and I like y’all. I’m definitely not ready to pretend I like some dude who is clearly a basket case, because he’s trying to date me. That’s the fucking red flag, y’all. That’s the dead giveaway.
I have been seeing all of these couples all bundled up, semi-adorable in matching fleece, holding hands and looking like some winter version of spring love. I hate it. It’s really got me in a fucking mood.
Not because I don’t want those girls to be warm, but because I want to know how they found the person that is going to put up with their shit, but I can’t even throw an evil eye at a dude and he’s gone. Bunch of bitches out here, I swear. I wasn’t even going to get violent, I was probably just squinting due to poor lighting.
What do I have to do in order to get myself a stupid matching fleece? What do I have to do in order to have someone think my bullshit is cute?
Don’t answer that. I know, and I’m not doing that.
Anyway, looks like I’ll be under the fuzzy blanket with Puffin until this weather passes. Unlike boyfriends, Puffin doesn’t expect me to be any level of socially acceptable, and she certainly wouldn’t think of leaving me for my totally poor behavior, both at home and in public.
Thank God for dogs. Who needs a boyfriend when you have a dog?
And she’ll lay on my feet. And my arm. And my hair. And half across my chest. And her other 82 positions every night.
Man. It’s going to be a long fucking winter. All 4 days of it.
*Sam Kineson voice* Nah ma'am, this ain't boyfriend weather. It's wood stove weather!
It's 20 here right now and I'm at a positively toasty 76 in the house with a glass of bourbon and a stove idling along at about 300° or so..
I'd share a couple of pix (no dicks I promise) as proof, but the site ain't equipped.
Keep scritching that pup with those well manicured nails of yourn tho.. she surely sounds comfortable.
I'd like to have some sympathy for you, sis, putting up with what you consider winter (all 4 days of it) but considering it is -20°C here (that's -4°F!), without the wind chill factor, my tear ducts are frozen, lol.
Love to Puffin from the herd (they too know their warming duties, and there's enough of them to heat my cold Canadian single heart).