Today, I'm Glad Brian And I Have An Appointment...
I'm fairly certain that if we didn't, I wouldn't even pretend I'm ok.
Yes, yes, I fucking already know. I should be over this shit. I should have my absolute stone cold Bitchface back, and granite and poison flowing through my veins.
Well, guess what? I’m having one of those days.
I laid down to take a nap, and it was a terrible mistake. I literally woke myself up calling his name.
Goddammit, I hate even writing that.
The worst part? I wasn’t simply calling for him, I was calling, and he wasn’t answering, so I was crying. I woke myself up crying his name.
That’s what actually happened.
To say that it hurt would be like saying I have minor disagreements with incels.
Bruh, it was like someone had stuck a knife in my gut. You want to know how I know? Because once upon a time, someone actually stuck a knife in my gut.
I really was making some progress. Now I feel like I could just lay here on the floor and tap out.
Now I feel like I could call “uncle”.
Fuck.
It’s a good thing BMan and I are back on the air tonight (oh Lord). He’ll get the straightener and go to straightening the fucking dumb right out of me.
After all, what are wingmen for? If not to tell you how much of an ignorant, stuck in the past, need to get over that dude type of asshole you’re being?
If anyone has seen my wingman, you may want to let him know he’s got a full fledged trainwreck happening in the direction of the Florida Gulf Coast.
Sorry, Angel, for the "dude relapse" but can you do me a favor?
Stop with the "shoulds"? "I should be over this shit. I should have my absolute stone cold Bitchface back, "etc.
There are no "shoulds" in situations like this. While I'm sure you'd like to be over this guy in order to keep moving forward, there are no hard and fast rules as to how and how long that's going to take.
"Should" means you have done something wrong or you're weak or you won't be able to do this, NONE of which are true!! I can't stress that strong enough. NONE OF WHICH ARE TRUE!
While I don't know the ins and outs of your situation or really anything about anything, I'll tell you one thing, I was a fucked up mess FOR YEARS after my situation and there are some scars that may never heal. Your barely into this if I understand the timeline based on your posts correctly. Try not to be so strict with yourself.
Give yourself a break, WW. Cut yourself a little slack. After all, you've been through a shit show and it's going to take time. You're going to hurt but trust me, the duration between episodes gradually gets longer and longer and life gets better and better. Especially if you have friends and loved ones on your side.
Your WW! You've got this! And Brian? You're on! Do your thang!
Much love!
You are grieving. Ending a relationship really is a death....it’s everything you hoped would happen in the future, and now they’re no longer in your present life. There is no timetable for grief....it comes when it comes ...there are days when you’re you and days when you fall. It’s normal and you’re going to be just fine. I believe in you and I’m cheering you on, honey.