Today, I was in Ocala National Forest, and FEMA interrupted some old techno. Unacceptable, just a party foul coming and going. However, the Marion County Sheriff selected today to become The Dude I’ll Vote For No Matter The Election. I got slightly weepy when this was sent over, and I wasn’t aware of his background yet.
Listen, I’m not saying he’s overqualified to do the job, but NASA doesn’t require this mans credentials to leave Earth. Have a look:
Several key positions Sheriff Woods held during his tenure at OPD include: Watch Commander, Lieutenant, Special Operations Supervisor, Traffic Homicide Investigator, and Undercover Officer for the Drug Task Force as well as many other positions. During Sheriff Woods’ years of service, he received multiple commendations and was also a Medal of Valor and Medal of Distinction recipient.
Sheriff Woods is a board member of various organizations. At this time, he is the Treasurer of the Florida Sheriff’s Association and a board member of the Florida Sheriff’s Youth Ranch. Sheriff Woods is also a Commissioner for the Commission of Florida Law Enforcement Accreditation and a past Chair for Marion Senior Services. He is also the past president of the Florida Criminal Justice Executive Institute Associates (FCJEIA). Most recently, Sheriff Woods was appointed to the Florida Agriculture Center and Horse Park Authority Board of Directors.
Here’s why I’m so impressed with this guy.
There are literal Trump signs on several gates on the road where I’m living. Fresh signs. This is no metropolis, and conservative would be wildly understating the voter mentality.
Woods was highly criticized for his press conference blaming punk ass kids for killing one another, and defending a firearms stance that is quite 1776.
This is why I’m surprised by this press release, because it seems so…kind. Thoughtful. Um, am I high? Someone come over here and check my pupils real quick.
In addition to looking out for women in abusive situations, he’s hard-core about internet child predators, and doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about him speaking his piece.
It’s like I’m fangirling over here. And I shouldn’t be. He’s an anti-masking, border wall schematic devising, open carry for anyone with heartbeat and hair-trigger type of dude.
Yet, as much as I am appalled by 2/3 of that trifecta, he’s the walking, talking, Father Figure I’ve been fucking yelling about for years. Imagine your favorite uncle got himself tangled up in cable news, not enough to fully brainwash him, just enough to make you question his mental capacity a few, maybe five times a month.
Like, you know the deck ain’t full, but it’s only missing the three of diamonds and like a seven of clubs, maybe. I mean, you can still work with that, right? That’s pretty fucking close to full, sir. That’s toeing the tee totality line.
Strange blends of political leanings like this make me feel like I’m having a glitch in the matrix moment. I thought I was looking at an agent, but nope, he’s on our side. Wait, no. Oh, maybe. Definitely maybe.
I need to either love or hate a platform. This is asking for me to measure if I hate one thing more than I love another, and I didn’t bring my whiteboard up here. Gonna have to just do the long division by hand, I guess, and hope the FIFO method delivers for me.
I’ll need someone to check my math on this one, certainly. North Florida is a strange, strange place.
He’s definitely standing up for what is our cause. I’m not sure “ cause “ is a strong enough word. I think demand might be better, so he has certainly won a few points with me, and I’m watching him and hoping for the best. 💜💜💜