Okay, first, hello Bitchfaces…y’all…dumb ass hos in the back row. How y’all?
Y’all know how I do that thing where I pretend like I’m a real journalist sometimes, like when I write the cop pieces and whatever? Yeah, so believe it or not, I research before I spout my mouth off, because I like to be educated and informed on the matters that will more than likely involve me needing to cuss someone the fuck out.
That being said, I run a lot of the same search tools that PI’s and probation officers run. I find out a lot of shit. Like, just for funsies, jump in the basket. I’ll tell you all about yourself. Seriously.
Here’s the funny part. Any dude who comes at me with that dumb ass rhetoric, I say, “yeah, um…I’m a writer and half ass journalist, true crime shit so I research people’s criminal histories and shit…”
Okay, so, instead of paying attention to the words that are coming out of my mouth, instead they’re staring at my breasts, and missing vital information. Like, I will run your shit homie. It doesn’t matter if all I have is your screen name, by noon tomorrow, I know your fucking credit score and where you went to your first Homecoming dance. I’m not fucking around.
It never fails, they are so beside themselves when I’m like, “um, so who is Misty Misterson, because that’s who your phone is listed to? She doesn’t seem old enough to be your momma…something I should know?”
I literally told your lying ass what I do for a living. Like, probably several times because I’m quite arrogant and if you’re not reading me, you’re missing out. I’m fucking delightful.
Probably not such a delight to this moron who was trying to holler at me with a couple of burglary/assault charges on his ass, like right now. At this moment. I was just like, “dude, are you fucking serious right now? I don’t mess with criminals. You’re a criminal, that’s not a drug dealer. That’s a violent individual. We are not the same”.
I was going to even give dude a moment to explain himself, but then I pulled the discovery. Um. Nope. Not the same.
Anyway, lying liarfaces, if you want to try to holler at me, just know I’m going to know your whole life story before I ever let you within 20 feet of me. That’s how it has to be, because I’ll be damned if some piece of shit is going to have me in one of my own columns.
Nah, baby. Not this Bitchface.
Idiots doing idiot things because they're idiots. I wonder what it's like to be so dumb you don't know how dumb you are 🤔
At least I think I am…….