There's A Strong Possibility I May Be Satan...
As long as that cloven hoof doesn't fuck up my Louboutins...
Well, well, well…if it isn’t the opposite side of the table.
In the above idiocy, you’ll note the King Of The Fuckboys felt as though he was delivering some Earth shattering news in announcing the fact that he and that drunk bitch are apparently no longer getting obliterated together and seeing who can get who arrested for domestic violence this weekend.
Great news for you, Hoss. Ain’t got shit to do with me though. Because, as you may also note from the above exchange, I’ve opted for “Over Stale Dick for $1000, Alex”, and that, folks, appears to be a daily double.
5 years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to say no to him. I know, because I tried and failed. Derek and I have been on again, off again since I was 15. I don’t think that there is a singular person on the planet that knows more about me. He literally watched me grow up, and every five years or so, we would inevitably try and fail again at being together.
That’s not to say that, at one time, I didn’t think that he was everything beautiful in my life. And then people started showing me messages, and pictures, and these are people I’ve known since grade school. To say that I felt like a fool is such an understatement. I was beyond humiliated.
We live in a small town. His family makes up about 45% of that small town. I love them dearly, and they reciprocate. That doesn’t make it easier. But, at one time, it did help me to remember that I wasn’t the problem. The fact that he is literally the whoriest man on the planet, that’s the problem.
You may or may not remember me telling you the story of his Grandad. When he passed on about 6 years ago, we actually discovered that he had a second family in the next town over. Wife, a son and daughter, a home. In our town, wife, 6 daughters, a home. It was so fucking scandalous, I felt like Julia Roberts even talking about it.
Also, that’s his Mamas’ daddy. Derek’s daddy, also a whore. I just so happen to be friends with the dealer that has sold him his Viagra for the past decade. I can promise you, they aren’t being used at home. Solidly can attest. As a matter of fact, there is not a singular member of that side of the family that isn’t a complete and utter slutbag, God love them, they’re a lot of fun though. Always a guaranteed adventure, it doesn’t really matter what the event is.
Yet, even though I understand that he is full-blooded get it honest whore, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m a sucker for loyalty, and he doesn’t even know how to spell it. So, after 20 years of sometimes we were, sometimes we weren’t, finally, we were not.
Fast forward five years to today, above.
I cannot lie, it felt like finally, finally I was towering over him and the smiting was imminent.
I would love to say that it felt horrible, that I regret my rash reaction, and should have been kinder. I would be lying my fucking face off.
I loved it when I typed it, and I’m still laughing now.
I’m sure I’ll be laughing long into the evening.
Long live the fucking Queen.
Brava sis! *drops into a graceful curtsey*
Smite away my Head Bitch! I'll even loan you my Santa Stick.
(And that's saying something)