Friends and fans, y’all need to get a whole and entire load of this shit. I have managed to capture what I believe to be an MGTOW in the wild, and I need y’all to hear the shit he’s publishing.
Earlier tonight, I roll over to Medium and publish Abused Women, Don't Ask Florida For Help, and while I’m there I check my notifications to see I have a few new followers. The first one on the list I’ve positively not heard of or interacted with, so I click to see how he may have run across me.
He is a “love coach for women”, his bio states. He is hocking a “Free Mini Course: How To Get A Man To Love You”.
What the fuck? Seriously.
I thought, ok, this could be funny let’s give it a browse. As I did, though, it started feeling less like “1990’s Christian housewife” coaching, and more like “earn affection from men, worthless bitch” coaching.
What did I do, you ask? Well, I clicked on it and signed right the fuck up.
I plan to get to the bottom of this shit, and STAT.
So, a few minutes later, an email buzzes through, and I’m presented with a lesson plan that consists of some of these bullet points:
“Be positive, enthusiastic, and light”
“Refrain from talking about yourself”
“Ask him how his day went. What happened during his meeting with his boss?” (my almost favorite subheader, simply because it smacks of 1950’s stay at home mom conversation fodder)
“Allow him to simply be as he is. Don’t try to change him”
“When he fidgets, beware. Respond quickly and distract him with a new conversation topic”
What have we learned thus far, readers? Wellllllp, let’s see. I have to be chipper and cheer when he enters the room, then immediately engage in conversation that is nothing but him talking about himself.
After I show how excited I am to listen to every single word he is generous enough to say to me, I can be grateful for all of his flaws, and just thank my lucky stars that a man, no matter how lazy, selfish, or uneducated he may be, blessed me with all of this awesome talk about himself.
However, if he should grow tired of talking about himself and drum his fingers on the table, I had damned well better be paying attention so that I can ask him more questions about himself, and continue to show my enthusiasm.
No, it didn’t stop there. I just needed a break because I had accidentally nodded the fuck off and bumped my head on my laptop screen. I’m up now, though.
I’m going to try to make it through the next riveting chapter tonight, mostly because I know there is hidden comedy I need to unearth.
Wish me luck, Bitchfaces, I’m going digging, and perhaps even I can find out “How To Get A Man To Love You”.
I cannot wait to witness the hell you will unleash upon this clown!
Once you finish his course, please, for all of us, let him have it with both barrels!