These past several weeks, I’ve been slipping, tripping, and falling all into my feelings.
Exhibit A, your honor: Have you seen the fucking free verse?
Psssh. I rest my fucking case.
That right there is what happens when I do dumb shit, like revisit playlists I made before I realized I can’t handle anything that isn’t trap music now. Why? Because I get fucking emotional, that’s why. Like a crybaby bitch. It’s disgusting.
I even decided that it was safe to scroll right on through some shit I wrote when I was back with ol’ whathisname. That went well. That went super smoothly, if you call taking a fucking bullet smooth.
It felt like I was gutted. Due to the fact that I was actually once gutted, I can assure you, it wasn’t pleasant literally or figuratively. I just don’t foresee me doing that shit again. I’m going to go right on ahead and leave all of that alone.
I don’t know what it is about lately, but I’ve just been emotionally hyping myself right up just to get beat down. Like, “oooh, Bitch, do you know what would be awesome? You should go back and read all that shit you wrote during Christmas of 2020. And there are photos attached, Bitch! Yes. Do that. That sounds fucking fantastic.”
Wellllllp, for the record…it was not awesome. The photos were still just as soul-crushing. None of the aforementioned idiocy was fantastic. I felt as though someone punched me in my heart. Except the first time didn’t really connect, so I stood there and let them punch me in the heart again.
I don’t need that shit. It’s not conducive to me doing anything I need to do. Like never revisit that set of memories. Like never think about that period of time. Like never mention his name again. Like never let myself drag myself back there lest I kick my own fucking stupid ass.
So, that being said, I’m dropping the fucking song right here. I don’t want it. Y’all get all soft and mangle-me-Elmo with it. I don’t want it. Keep it.
Excuse me while I channel Linda Blair and roll my eyes a few thousand times. Meanwhile, do you need help with the delete button? Blow that shit up like he blew up your life
My new favorite expression is “ Mangle me Elmo.” Please stop looking at the nuclear blast sites of former relationships or situations. The damn things are still radioactive. 💜💜💜