The Nerve Of This Tramp...
If the dogs and I weren't out here having coffee, we would be disgusted enough to stop watching this trainwreck...
You know, I usually have a rule about the things that I really stand up and get the disgusted look on my face over, and this is in direct violation of that rule. These people across the way don’t affect my money. They aren’t my folk, I don’t honestly care for either of them very much, but this whole scene is a potential bad neighbor issue for the entire foreseeable future over here at Lake Cannon, so we’re carefully watching this soap opera. By “we” I mean me, because the dogs cannot be bothered with the dumb shit. Especially prior to coffee.
So, if you have been tuned in to the saga that is my drunken hussie of a neighbor, and her 20 year junior “neighborly” companion, you’ll know that this broad across the street has been carrying on a very Van Halen, Hot For Teacher-esque, type of companionship with our barely out of high school end of the cul de sac neighbor. That’s not the scandalous part of the story though.
The fact that her husband leaves right around sunrise, and the boy arrives prior to the morning news wrapping up, nearly 5 days a week, every week, that’s where the scandal comes into play.
So, yesterday, I’m in the corner store, ignoring everyone like the stuck up Bitchface that I am, and I hear a woman slurring something behind me. Oh, baby Jesus, say it isn- aw damn, not this bitch.
It’s that bitch.
So, let me digress…I have visible cameras all over my house. I light this bitch up like the 4th every night. I am the fucking neighborhood watch. I will watch your ass keep it moving because if you stop at this house, you run the risk of me blowing you away once you ballet toe an iota of you into a doorway. I’m not fucking around. There’s a sign on the porch that says, “There will be ground stood here, I’m not fucking around”.
This leads the hussie to ask me if my cameras caught their drunken version of WWE last week. They did. I told y’all of her repeater shit, and how I am full on aware that her husband is still sleeping with the mother of his child, etc. etc. How do I know this? It’s not because I want to. It’s because this drunk and sloppy broad consumes too many Steel Reserve 4 nights out of 5, and screech repeats this fact until about 2 am. Or until I have had enough and I take every dog I have outside and let them bark until their hearts are content. “Oh, you don’t want the whole neighborhood in y’all argument? I guess y’all had better tone it down about 6 levels or these dogs are gonna be right here until everyone on this street is out here watching you assholes”.
Back to last week. A couple of days following the husband catching these Romeo And Whorliette wannabes in the act, they’re back at the drunk ass fighting. I hear it before I see anything, but then the woman is in the yard. She’s clearly trying to be seen on the cameras, so I open the door, and listen, the same song and repeated dance. Except this time, she’s telling him she wouldn’t be getting bammed by the neighbor kid if he would stay out of the baby mama’s size XL lace thongs.
Again, how do I know that the baby mama has size XL lace thongs? Yep. On repeat.
So, I guess she is trying to basically goad the man into coming over into the view of the cameras to continue their heated discussion. I can assure you that is a terrible idea. However, I happen to live next door to a very awesome couple (the well-behaved kids’ parents). And their Daddy is not putting up with his kids getting woke up by this loud, drunken screeching broad. He heads across the street to have a word with the other half of this motley falling down drunk crew.
Thank you, Jesus.
The woman turns on her heel to follow my neighbor man over, but I get enough out of the conversation that it’s evident OG has informed them that we may not live on that side of the subdivision, but we still have rapid response time here, and this shit will stop now. One way or the other.
Thank you, Jesus.
So, back to the store. I don’t really want to interact with this very early in the afternoon intoxicated harlot, but I don’t rightly know how to hold my tongue very often either. I said, “I did. I heard and saw everything, as did everyone on our half of the street”. I also mentioned that before she gets too many more of those Steel Reserves in her that she may want to arrange for someone else to referee because my neighbors are in Georgia, and I’m locking the gate.
The look this broad gave me, like the audacity of me, not wanting their drunk ass drag out in my front yard in the middle of the night. How dare I! I almost said “just get your boyfriend to come and ensure y’all touch gloves before the first punch, he’s there every other damned day of the week”…I’m telling y’all I bit my tongue so hard it nearly bled.
You might think that this would put a little bit of shame to the story, and they wouldn’t be out in the yard like Lucha Libre all night. Y’all would be wrong though. They took it inside somewhere after 3 this morning. Right after I went and collected the dogs that had been barking on the porch for a couple of hours.
I would much rather listen to my dogs bark angrily at drunk ass idiots than listen to drunk ass idiots on repeat. I regret nothing.