The Few Good Ones I Threw Back...
They haven't all been Fuckboys, I managed to ruin it with a couple of great dudes too.
Normally, I come here and I tell you the tales from the 1-800-Fuckboy hotline, we have a few laughs, and we all go home. Not together, you fucking perverts, to our respective homes. However, I have had a couple of absolutely amazing dudes come into my life, and true to my nature, I fucked that up as well.
So, today, while I was putting my tiara and sash on, I got to thinking about those guys…
Let’s digress.
So, Huggie Bear is what got this ball rolling. He is my ex that is a motivational speaker and holds not one, but two Masters. He is probably the kindest and most level headed person I know. Just genuinely a good person, like way down deep in his soul. You know that person, the one we’re supposed to be trying to be? Yeah, that’s Huggie Bear. Although he is a former football player the size of a Buick, he wouldn’t hurt a fly.
Last night, he messaged me to gently remind me I was supposed to return his call two nights ago after I finished my column. It slipped my mind, and he said “either that’s the longest column ever written, or you forgot about me”. He doesn’t want anything, just to check on me, as he does often. With all of the things that are life, he still makes sure I’m ok. He still reminds me that someone out there cares that I am doing the right things, that I’m tending to my life as I should be.
I love him. He’s amazing. And, I would never say this to him, but I knew when I met him he was too good for me. Because he is. He’s the type of person I wish I could be. But I’m a hothead, and I throw hands, and I get pretty fucking ignorant if you push me. Not Huggie. He’s just a Huggie Bear. I let us drift apart back then because I knew I would never be that level. I would never be the woman that deserved to be his partner. And I was right. He’s giving college graduation commencement speeches, and I’m telling women to count their husbands’ condoms if they’re suspecting something. We’re just not the same.
Yesterday, Abby stopped by on an Instagram pic to let me know he was thinking about me. Abigail, the Marine, the super thoughtful guy who always says the most amazing things that can immediately fix whatever is wrong with me. The first time we spoke, I was on my daily cry from the mechanics. He looked at me and says “who do I need to kill today?” Because he’s a little crazy, but his heart is in the right place.
He doesn’t forget to let me know he reads my columns. He notices when I’m in it and when I’m too deep in it. He’s just an all-around awesome dude. He’s also a stable type of 9 to 5, and back then, I couldn’t even be counted on to be home by 5 am. I didn’t have my head out of my ass for several years after he had moved on, and sometimes, I wish I had. In the end, though, he’s great with his life today, and he put up with enough of my shit over the years.
I love him dearly though. Truly, I do, and I wish him all of the happiness in the world. He has a happy marriage to someone not absolutely neurotic, and he lives that life easily. We’re just not the same.
And, you all know about Tyler. The baby’s Dad. My partner, my best friend. And, if you have followed me at all, you know that I broke his heart into a million pieces because I’m mostly heartless, and a real Bitchface. That’s all I have to say about him. You know I keep him close to the vest because his memory isn’t one I want to share.
So, there you have it. No, they' weren’t all terrible. I have loved some incredible guys also. The result, though, has been the same.
I’m sorry, the hotline is ringing, so let’s talk later…
“1-800-Fuckboy, Ms. Macon here. What the fuck can you do to ruin my life today?”