Listen, I need this break, OK?
You know, I almost don’t want to tell y’all about this, but I think I will anyway because I love to sit behind my laptop screen and blush, I think.
So y’all remember me talking about Portland, right? OK, let’s chop it up, Bitchfaces. Right off the rip, he’s a compulsive liar. Listen to what he told me: that Brian had been repeatedly messaging him, stalking his Facebook, etc. Yes, that Brian. As in BMan.
So when I finished laughing, which took approximately 15 minutes, I asked “Why in the actual fuck would BMan a) want to give a hot damn about you, I don’t even give a hot damn about you, and b) do you know that I can see in your change in composure and mannerisms that you’re blatantly embellishing the truth? Clearly, he doesn’t understand Ms. Macons’ ability to read people, thus, making me the excellent giver of advice that I am. What a fucking idiot.
So, of course, I naturally do what anyone in my position would do. I excuse myself and duck out the back, and immediately put about 4 pounds of Goodyear between he and I. Then I tell BMan, essentially dude is saying that BMan had spyware, and what would BMan do with spyware? Well, use it on some clown I went out with once, that’s what he would do. Brian was, to say the least, not fucking amused at all.
Listen, man, I understand if you’re insecure about the fact that my partner in crime, Wingman, and bestie is a rather intimidating looking bossman with more degrees than you that sounds as smooth as Barry White. I get that. I can’t imagine broads try to approach BMan with the same tired ass lines once they know the company he keeps. That’s not me being vain, that’s me being real. Y’all have seen and heard me; you know I’m a force.
However, no matter how blown away by BG you may be, don’t try to do that: don’t lie about my boy, don’t try to insert wedge and rift here. You just look fucking stupid. And while we’re at it, since you’re so stuck on my big bruh, maybe you should ask him for a few tips on how to compose yourself, dude, because you’re out here looking fucking silly. A grown man lying on another grown man like a teenaged girl? That’s Petty Betty style right there. Pssssh. Get fucking real, dude.
I find this so absolutely hilarious! Like please tell me, WHY WOULD B even WASTE HIS TIME ON YOU, Portland?