Someone, Please Tell Me Where We Learn This Behavior...
As women, we really need to get a new song and dance.
I spend a lot of time on a Reddit thread where women go to talk about horrible dudes. Some go there for help getting out. Some go there for help staying out. Some of them…I think we’re just a sounding board as they work up the nerve to finally be rid of the worthless slime in their life.
Last night, a young lady is basically in hysterics. She has told the skeevy piece of shit to go, and he has gone. My concern is the fact that she’s in full on panic attack, and has children in her home.
I often have to talk myself down from panic. Those of you who know me are well aware of my PTSD, well aware of my horrible record with horrible men, and well aware of the fact that I don’t always react well to situations that have other women at risk of becoming a victim.
I do some breathing and grounding exercises with the young lady. I tell her to tell me about the reasons she told herself she was through. Getting angry again can help with the sadness that puts you into hysterics, I know this from personal experience.
She tells me, now, I shit you not, he told her he had no children. He has 3. He told her he has never been married. He is still married. He told her he was some sort of day trader. He works at a gym.
Yet, unfuckingbelievably, this girl is still a) so upset about the breakup that she’s losing her shit, and b) she’s actually sitting there questioning if she should have put him out.
You gotta fucking be kidding me, chic.
OK, look, when a guy lies to you about every single part of his life, you don’t want anything to do with that. Mark my words, it’s bad news. When a guy is confronted with his lies and has the nerve to somehow blame you for all of the nonsense that falls out of his lying liarpants mouth, you really should go ahead and be done with his sorry ass.
Why, as women, do we continue to not only accept their completely inane excuses for their bullshit, but we start to make excuses for them ourselves? Why do we assist these complete assholes in taking advantage of us? Why do we fall all over ourselves to let them make fools out of us?
They don’t need the help, ladies. They don’t need you to sit around and think of every time you let a red flag slide, because there shouldn’t be red flags, much less the need to recognize them. They don’t need you to make any excuses for their shitty behavior, they come in with those excuses.
Where do we learn this? Where do we learn to not only excuse it, but to assist these bastards in abusing us? Where do we learn to continue taking whatever they will pile on? To pigeon hole ourselves in these awful excuses for relationships, the whole time virtually taking the steps for them that ensure we are stuck with them long after their behavior goes from bad to worse.
Oh, you want to move in with me and begin to verbally and physically abuse my children? Sure thing, come on in.
You would like me to quit my job and carry your demon spawn? My God, of course!
Now that I’m stuck with no financial hope of leaving, you want me to make excuses for the fresh black eye I’m wearing today? I ran into the wall, obviously.
This shit is madness, and it has to stop. There is no reason, absolutely zero reason that as women we should ever take this bullshit even once. The first time he steps over the line, you put his ass on his way without any further contact. Don’t tell yourself he didn’t mean it, he had a bad day, he was raised that way.
No. No, no, no, no fucking no way in hell, no.
You put his ass out, and you move on. You do it the very first time. We have to demand better, and we have to stand up for ourselves so that we get better.
Ladies, get your head out of your asses, and demand better. Do it now, before we’re all beaten into submission by these pieces of shit we keep dating.
Don't move in together in the first place would solve a lot of problems. I'm fed up with it all and I have never let a guy move in, nor have I moved in with a guy. I like my lifestyle just fine the way it is. Why would you possibly need one in the house anyway. Most are not housebroken to begin with because their mother didn't train them correctly. Face it, having an unneutered male loose in your house is asking for trouble. Just date! Then you can go home to you own fort with having to deal with one. Men can be wonderful, and there are plenty of good and honorable men out there. Look inside yourself to see why you are a goofball magnet, change that(therapy), get a career or a job that you can throw yourself into, use your own talents to create a career, and only deal with a man if you need a jar opened or some heavy lifting. Sorry fellas. Another thing. I know I cannot resist a well groomed guy. If he chews with his mouth open or talks with his mouthful, I get up and leave the restaurant and go home. Oh, always drive yourself. But don't let one move in(no honorable man would do that) and vice versa. I have learned that I might want a man but I sure as the sky is blue, I don't NEED one.
Disclaimer alert! I am a man speaking out in a woman’s world but...
Do you guys move in together the first night you meet? Is there any “ get to know each other” time invested? If the answer is we knew each other for X number of weeks then my next question is didn’t his ass holiness show up even once?
Think about this during this period next time unless he is really bent or is running a game on you he is like you are, showing you the best side of him you are ever going to see again. He is on his best behavior. Now if during this honey moon phase of your new love relationship he lets his ass holiness show even a tiny bit. Ask yourself if this is what you want to settle for. Yes, you are settling for there is a good guy out there that will treat you great and love you and make you happy if you don’t take yourself out of the running.
Back to the ass hole if he shows one glimpse of himself during the before move in it will be 10- 20 or more times worse after he gets tired or trying to impress you.
Make no excuses for him take no pity on him . Get rid of him. Not one more date nothing nada. Thank God or whoever you want that you dodged the bullet.
Remember I am a man talking to you. I have just broken the bro code and will never be allowed back among ‘em. So in appreciation for the sacrifice I have made by saying all this believe me and heed my advice.
Oh yeah I have a lot of experience with working crisis intervention. I have seen firsthand when what I just told you was not considered.