I’ve started over probably a solid 8 times in my life. Like, new place, new things, new life start over.
Once, I went as far as Detroit to start over. I’ve gone to the southernmost point of the United States to start over. Any real point of chaos in my life has culminated in the same thing; I pack my shit and I hit the road.
This time, I’m not leaving a relationship. Andy did that for me while I was in prison. Maybe that’s why this feels harder than the other times. I don’t have the fuel I usually have, the memory of a bad breakup or some revelation of cheating to drive me through the rough parts.
It’s a lot of sitting around keyed up and nothing happening, mostly. It’s waiting for calls that don’t come, it’s coming to terms with the fact that whatever part of the past you’ve left is really and truly over.
The good thing about a new beginning is having something to look forward to. Instead of laying in bed crying all day, you get up early to see what kind of new idiotic shit you can get yourself tangled up in. I’m at the up early, looking for fuckery stage of my starting over, and I’m feeling pretty hopeful about it.
Today, if I chose to, I could take myself to lunch. I could walk around in a rainstorm. I could wrangle an alligator. I could do all three and still have time to write this column. It’s my choice. I’m the one calling all the shots in my life now.
It’s a big responsibility, but it boasts a big reward.
Today, I feel a little more comfortable in my own skin. I feel a little more like myself. I’m not letting myself sit around and think too much. I’m taking Puffin for walks that are too long for the both of us. I’m trying to feel like I have my feet underneath me.
I’m good. I’m solid. I’m okay.
Hi April.
I was were you are last February.
I left a sad, and controlling situation and moved to Florida. Remember, I shared with you I moved to the Villages?
Icky.
Anyway, I have some $$ that I will share with you.
Would fifty dollars help?
Let me know. If you don’t want to share your address, I understand, maybe a PO Box ?
I’m serious. Let me know lady. I truly know wha it is like to be where you are.
Hugs and love. Rewindmind
If ya need a recharging station, holler. ❤️