Maybe your ass should try to be more like Brian...
I'm serious. It couldn't be detrimental. It might class up your scene a little.
I’m buying this shirt for Brian :)
The other day, a joke was made about being “more like Brian”, and it got me thinking.
For those of you that don’t know, because you’ve clearly just joined us from another planet, Brian is my right-hand man. When I say something like “everyone should be more like Brian”, that’s in all seriousness. Let me explain…
Brian is the calm and rational voice to my usual episode. When I’m ready to cut someone, Brian is looking up the statutes in the area, just to ascertain the “what ifs”, and if it’s time I think I might be able to do.
Brian is the research behind everything I do. When I answer a question on the column, Brian fact checks to be certain it is a real scenario, that it’s not a sexually charged discussion with an underaged individual on the other side of the advice. Brian watches my mouth to be sure it doesn’t write checks my ass can’t cash.
Brian is the reasonable approach to the shit I’m flying off of the handle about. Let’s say I’m on a tirade about child abuse that day. Brian will calmly and coolly bring a scenario to the table that discusses the laws behind emancipation. It’s his way of saying, OK, let’s further this matter in a constructive fashion, but if you’re still mad, here’s a great place to cuss someone out over here, too.
When things don’t go according to my 60 or 90 day plan for my writing, Brian will say “yo….what happened to the proposal that was supposed to be in the email? Where is your mind at?” That’s Brian for “bitch, get your shit together”.
When Brian came into my world, I don’t know if he knew what to make of me. I was in the middle of a tirade (hard to believe, I know), and he was just like “this crazy bitch here is full-fledged”. And I think a few days after that I offered to kick someones ass that wasn’t cool with his chatter that day, because nobody talks to my friends any kind of way. And we’ve been Ms. Macon and the Wingman ever since.
I’ll tell you this, if everyone took a page from the book of Brian, right after he made you keep it in order, you would find it beneficial. This is why:
Dude doesn’t lose his cool, even when the good majority would have lost it 4 or 5 times. He was in Northern California for work. Some fucking asshole hung a noose on the work truck. If you aren’t aware, Brian is a black man. Right there, I would have burned down every house within a 50 mile radius. Not Brian. He simply told me in so many words, consider the source. I didn’t. I threatened to hop a flight and burn some shit to the ground. Because I don’t listen, and there can only be one Brian in our equation.
Dude stands up for the downtrodden, for women, for animals, and for my crazy ass. And anyone that will stand beside me when I bring the type of blowback that I bring, that is a level of either crazy or loyal that can’t be fucked with. Either one, I’m cool with it.
Dude handles his damned business. He is a boss at work, he is still chasing more degrees. Then he handles all the shit I can’t, like anything more than typing and hitting enter. He investigates, he looks into my platform options, he does the shit I find “sooooooo boring”, because, quite frankly, I just won’t do it. Brian makes shit happen.
Brian doesn’t ask for glory, or a byline, or a portion, or a nod. He simply does the things he does because he believes in the shit I’m spouting, and he believes in the way I deliver it. You couldn’t ask for a more loyal dude in your corner. And nobody better ask for this one, because I’ll cut you. Brian is my wingman. You whores find your own.
That right there. You know what Brian would have said? “Sure, give me a few to finish this chapter in Statistics, balance payroll for my work crew, feed my sisters dog because she’s in town, call my Mother, and get April to understand this is borderline harassment and a jailable offense and I will take care of it for you, so basically, 20 minutes or so…”
Yeah, everyone should be a little more like Brian. If you can’t be more like Brian, just pay attention to how he handles the situation, so next time you’ll know the correct way to deal with the issue at hand. Shit, it’s what I do. I know who the brains of our operation is.
Thanks for all you do to keep me in check and in print, Big Bruh. I appreciate you.