I had someone say to me recently, “loyalty means different things to different people.”
Like, with a straight face and everything.
No. No, it really doesn’t. You either are, or you’re not. There’s not a Bermuda fucking triangle of loyalty out there. Nobody is doing the shell trick with loyalty. Loyalty isn’t out here in a fucking mustache and big glasses.
It’s one or the fucking other. And if it takes you a moment to figure out if you are or you’re not, just go on and take that empty chair in the back row, because baby, you’re not.
I have a personal rule I’ve had my entire life. If you dated my friend, if my friend had a crush on you in the second grade, if my friend once had a dream and you were in it asking her out on a date, you are off limits.
Nothing personal, hoss. It’s just personal.
There are allegedly billions of men on this planet. That means I have to like something about at least 10 or 12 of them. Maybe. I don’t know, statistically, you would think so, but factor in that it’s me and all.
I digress.
However, I have about 4 chics on this planet that I know would pull up so fucking fast if I needed them. Like, these bitches ain’t asking no questions, they don’t need a fucking itemized receipt, I wouldn’t even need to explain why I have an ultra-saw in the bathroom. They’re just showing up with bleach and industrial sized garbage bags they bought in a cash only transaction 2 states over.
Yeah. They know me.
So, there’s basically no replacing those bitches. They’re not going to be on the clearance rack down to TJ Maxx once the summer is over. These are quality bitches, and I have spent the better part of my life knowing that when shit really gets to the point of boiling to a whistle, these are my short list.
If you have ever been involved with any of them, you may as well act as though you don’t know who I am. Even if I don’t dislike you, I don’t like you. Even if you and she still talk, I don’t have shit to say to you. I might wave if I’m feeling less bitchy than usual, but that’s about it. Or if I’m the unlucky bitch who has to swap out y’alls kids because it’s The Dumb Shit when y’all get together. I’ll give you the play by play on that, nothing more, nothing less.
Loyal, to me, only means loyal. There isn’t any wiggle room. This isn’t me being antisocial, although it wouldn’t be surprising. This is me being on my girls’ team. I’m not your friend, I’m hers.
Now, imagine the look on my face when I discover that one of my very own broads doesn’t understand loyalty. She actually said The Dumb Shit above. I almost choked on my new braces. I’m still sitting here with my jaw on the floor.
Most of my exes, I’m cool with them. They aren’t bad guys, just bad for me. We didn’t gel, if you will. But there are a couple, 2 or 3, well. They don’t want to be in the way of the bubble Caprice, that’s for certain. I might just have sudden brake failure. And sudden throttle surge. Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Those 2 or 3? Not good people. Just really horrible fucking dudes. And I’m not just saying that because they were horrible to me. These dudes are really not decent humans, and I’ll leave it at that lest these Bozos recognize themselves and throw some kind of tantrum, leading me to smack the piss out of them.
My homegirl. Oh, yea. Yea, that’s what’s happening.
She’s sleeping with the fucking enemy. And the bitch ain’t Julia Roberts, either.
I haven’t even gotten angry, I’m still in a state of shock. Like. Wait ho ho ho hol’ the fuck up. Is this. This is. What is Am I fucking high right now?
I fucking wish. Because this is like someone spit in my face. Except better, because at least then I could wipe it off.
Loyalty is underrated. It’s one of the traits that I hold in the highest regard. And you either are, or you’re not.
But you better stay the fuck out of my face if you’re not.
Loyalty, like Ethics, isn't negotiable.
Both are often inconvenient because they demand things of us which aren't always comfortable.
To put it simply for the bitches lurking in the back..
If you're a politician and you accept a bribe, even from a blind corporate PAC, much less an individual, you have zero ethics.
Same goes for screwing around with people who've made a commitment to someone else.
If you try to "justify" that you might be a politician.
On a related subject, I once worked for this dude who was a total douche. Immature, sexist, racist. I had a girlfriend who worked in the same building, and I would always tell her how awful this guy was. Fast forward several years, and I think I had moved to Florida. She starts dating the guy. He turns out to be totally abusive and an alcoholic. (I'm sure she thought she could fix him.) She gets pregnant and has to deal with the guy until he eventually died from alcohol-related illness. When I found out she was dating him, I just shook my head. I never said one good thing about him. Like, way to trust me! (And way to respect yourself.)