Look At This Joint I Found On Medium...
Actually, some reader I don't know did, but hey, thank ya.
I remember this asshole. God, what a douche.
I am immunocompromised, so I haven’t been around people since basically March. Normally, I’m fine with it, but sometimes, it gets to me. When that happens, I usually almost ruin my life, and this is one of those stories.
In a normal situation, I use Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram solely for marketing purposes. I have a couple of platforms that I regularly interact with my readers through, because they’re good, decent, grown-ups there. Unlike the “bad high school reunion” platforms I mentioned.
Yet, last month, I started to reply to my comments and messages on all of my platforms, most likely due to the fact that I was feeling a little lonely. Dear Baby Jesus, I don’t ever need to make that mistake again.
I began having a friendly conversation with a guy, who I at first believed to be a decent human being.
I am honest about my old habit. I try to explain to people that it is quite possible to be successful, work upward of 70 hours per week, and still have an opiate addiction that is raging out of control. I think it’s a nice education tactic, and I’m not going to stop sharing my story.
However, I was informed by some holier than thou, thumper to a King James version that because of my former addiction that I am both dangerous and disgusting, and that is why I can’t seem to find a boyfriend.
Actually, what he said was my time in the illegal prescription pill market, as a buyer and a seller, meant that unsavory types must currently want to harm me for my old associations. There just isn’t a possibility that because I never stole or hustled for my habit and instead worked full time and paid for them myself, that someone doesn’t want to exact some sort of justice on me for whatever it is he deems me to be guilty of.
Basically, because I bought and sold oxycodone, there must be people out there who want me dead. I’m going to presume they’re really patient people, though, because I’ve not had so much as a phone call in 5 years.
Oh, the best part though, was he was dead ass drunk as he was making these claims. Much like the 4 times prior that I heard from him. I know, because he made it a point to tell me about his current beverage situation.
But the sorry excuse for an intervention years too late didn’t stop there. Next, he decided to tell me that I am undatable because of my choices in men. One of the examples was a man who cheated on me with men. The other example was a man who cheated on me with any female not bolted down. And probably a few that were bolted down as well.
I’m uncertain how men who couldn’t be faithful is somehow my fault, and I certainly can’t fathom how they would result in me being unworthy of a committed partner. He was all too willing to make the correlation for me, so let’s be thankful he solved that cliffhanger.
Due to the woman I used to be, the habit I had and the men who treated me poorly, I was somehow now a modern scarlet lettered lady. The shame of my past apparently is still so visible upon me, no decent man will ever want a connection with me. I have brought all of the horrible men upon myself by being the woman I haven’t been in over 5 years.
Because apparently, God forgives, but drunk men on the internet don’t.
A more accommodating woman, one less venomous, may have simply waved this off as the rantings of a sloppy, disgusting drunk, but that isn’t me. I am not even close to being that woman.
I decided that both barrels blazing was the better choice for this scenario.
After mentioning that it was wholly out of my control that some jerks from my past didn’t understand the meaning of faithful, I added that it shouldn’t matter to him at all, due to the fact that if he were the last penis on this planet, I would mate with something from the Mesozoic era before I would make myself vomit at the thought of sleeping with him.
I then broke down the hypocrisy to a level that a kindergartner, or a drunk, could understand. I told him that as much as he would like to believe his obvious addiction is less shameful than my own, I was taking legal drugs, just as legal as the alcohol that has eaten at least 60% of his brain, judging by how unintelligent and foolish he sounds.
I added that he may feel as though random women he barely knows sit around waiting on his judgment so that we can know if we’re worthy or not, in reality, his opinion carried the weight of pocket lint with me. Maybe a little less.
Lastly, I advised that he may want to try a new tactic as an icebreaker. I don’t know what fundamentalist church this type of flirting is working for him at, but out in the world where women aren’t shamed and stoned for the shit he feels is “so shameful for a woman”, nobody could give a flying fuck what his drunk ass thinks.
I closed with the promise that I would message screenshots of our conversation so that when he woke up with no memory of our conversation, it would refresh it right on up for him. I also mentioned that he would be a guest in my column, with that set of screenshots attached. Simply because I feel everyone should have the opportunity to befriend someone so clearly ahead in life.
And of course, my usual, eat a fat bag of assorted dicks.
God forgives, but drunk men on the internet don’t!!!!!! That needs to be a bumper sticker, printed on a tee shirt and emboldened on a flag. LMFAO
I'm frankly glad that y'all chose violence with that wannabe, two faced, side talking, religious fascist, Turdwookie.
I wish more folks would because the only thing Evil needs to flourish is our silence.
I was a very functional drunk for many years. I had to be to pull off the 80 and 90 hour weeks without slitting my throat.
I cleared absolutely stupid amounts of $$ in those years, but hated myself too.