My least favorite headline of the past 10 days or so is the revelation that six teachers have been arrested in 48 hours for inappropriate sexual relations with their students.
All six of them are women.
These dirty bitches range from their mid 20’s to their 50’s. Yes. You read that right.
Somebody’s fucking Nana has been down to the damned high school track meet staring at the boys in the Bruce Jenner shorts. Somebody else’s Nana was probably staring at the boys in the Caitlyn Jenner shorts.
Both of y’all need to snatch your fucking Nana up and get her ass back to Shady Pines for Jello and bingo night. And take her keys to the fucking Fleetwood while you’re down there. She backed into two pickups and a concrete divider trying to park at the stadium.
Look, I’ve been mulling this shit over heavily. I have. I got nothing.
I cannot understand the appeal of banging a kid in school. Even overlooking the fact that this legally cannot be consensual, even for a moment ignoring the overwhelming urge to vomit heavily on this spotless floor, someone else needs to tell me what in the fuck is going on here.
If these trashy, loose-thighed Hagathas say anything other than they like the power imbalance in these highly inappropriate interactions with these kids, they’re fucking lying.
Here’s how I know. I had sex in high school. With guys in high school.
It was fucking awful.
I mean, truly awful.
Why in the actual fuck would I want to do that shit again? And I don’t give a damn if you chime in with the “millennial ass eating” double jeopardy answer, no, this is not a daily double, Alex.
Even those kids were terrible at it in high school, I’d put all the money hidden in my hollow Bible on that. These are just facts.
Unless you’re already highly successful on OnlyFans in your Junior year, you’re terrible at sex until you’re at least 22. Probably 25. Some of you are still working on it in your 30’s, bless your hearts.
Just keep plucking along, Punkin, we know you’re trying.
What I’m saying is, no high school boy is worth your life, reputation, career, family, kids, future, and of course, that shitty ass prison sentence you’re fixing to go sit through.
I don’t care if he had a full beard at 14, I assure you that little boy still acts like he’s 14.
What the fuck are y’all doing?
I told myself that I was going to try to really take a moment to understand what is happening here, because this problem is rapidly becoming less of the exception and more of the rule when we talk teachers raping students.
Mr. Woodcock in the Shop hasn’t been caught slipping the ol’ CO2 cartridge to the dance team this year, but the entire English department is on administrative leave and these dumb ass kids already can’t read on a 5th grade level.
Hope you parents got some tutors lined up. Looks like little Brantleigh is going to be sounding out those vowels for yet another year, and you’ll be driving her around until she’s got two kids at this rate, because she’s still unsure of what the Yield sign says.
Double vowels are a bitch.
I tried to understand what they’re saying about these women. Arrested development is the best armchair psych guess we have going at the moment, but it’s not working for me, y’all.
These bitches are parents, they’re wives. They’ve been in their careers, some of them ten plus years, and up until this point they’ve been able to make pediatrician appointments and get drunk at the neighborhood Christmas parties just like all of the other sexually unsatisfied wives.
But Mrs. Thomas next door is just doing the sane thing and fucking the Amazon guy, who is at least 26, because you gotta be 25 for that Class A CDL set. And they’ve been at it for a good little minute now.
Bitch has more useless shit from Taiwan, I swear.
I digress.
What I’m saying is, you’re not any different, Marcia. Just because you’re not a PE coach rocking Soffe’s to work every day, it doesn’t make the “don’t grab ass with the kids” rules not apply to you.
Your sensible Clarks flats don’t make you an exception to the anti-teen peen club.
Keep your hands off the boy’s junk, Marcia.
For fucks sake. He’s in Scouts with your son. You fucking pervert.
Again, we’re allowing these so called “emotionally stunted” excuses to force us to hear something that doesn’t sound anything like the truth. And the truth is, these women are pedophiles.
If you’re a grown ass woman, and some kid from the local high school is dropping off the D to you with your calzone at dinner, you’re a pedophile. You rape children. You’re not special.
Just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean you’re not a rapist. These are kids. Thus, you’re a rapist.
How about this shit, Marcia? How about you just stop raping these fucking kids, okay? We’d really appreciate it.
What the fuck.
Screw the psychologigal diagnoses, lock their crazy asses up!
Yeah, I can't comprehend this either. There's just no set of circumstances where that would look like an option for me. I feel bad for everyone involved but mostly the idiots who think the student has "scored" by having sex with his older, attractive teacher. Gross. What kind of sick society do we live in? Don't answer that.