Just When I Thought I No Longer Had A Heart...
I hate to confess, I seem to have skipped an innoculation.
Recently, I came to you with news of the latest addition to the Fuckboy pandemic, the Fuckboy 5.0. I spoke of the silver-tongued slack-ass Bozo that I allowed to slip my defenses.
Today, I found myself at least 4 feet deep in my damned emotions, and I nearly had to slap myself, because I must have been fucking hysterical. Let’s give thanks to Baby Jesus that my dogs think that all warm electronics are dog belly warmers, and they weren’t moving their asses to let me do the dumb shit.
Yet again, I have been saved by my K9 companions.
I felt the familiar tug at my breastplate, the one that says “it’s totally ok to turn on some Changing Faces and go scrolling through some Fuckboys social media”. For the love of fuck, hand me that Erroneous Bitch Buzzer.
*Wrong, Bitch, get your shit together*
In another one of the episodes of “How Much Of A Dumb Bitch Can I Be Today?”, I wanted to get to the bottom of the situation. I wanted to know what is actually so wrong with me that I am only attracted to Fuckboys that see me as a come up. What is the reason that I am perfect for gaining a little traction in life, but as soon as they’re out of the red, I’m just another woman they took for a ride?
But, proper planning prevents piss poor performance, partna, remember those 7 P’s, and you can bet your ass I did. When I managed to dig through the mountain of pitbull and grab my telephonic device, at a comfortable 7% charge (go on ahead, BMan), I saw that those amazing exes I spoke of had reached out.
They may not be my forever, but they are certainly my friends. I lost myself in conversation with some of the most amazing men I have ever known, and when that was done, I had lost the urge to completely fuck up my life today.
Dodged that hydrashock, huh?
So, if you hear me mention 90’s R&B and a Fuckboy within the same 90 minute window, stop me from the dumb shit. Believe me, you’ll just have to hear me bitch about it later. Let’s just avoid that idiocy if we can.