In case you wondered what I’m supposed to be doing here, check my Google listing. So, I am going to make a leap and say I probably know a little about women and how our behavior makes or breaks us in dating.
For the last 3 days, I’ve trudged through some torturous bullshit by a self professed women’s dating coach. It was highly offensive, and at times I wanted to find this dude and show him exactly what “bitter women” are. However, I refrained because I intend to melt this motherfucker into the ground with the seething synopsis of his fucking idiocy.
Let me show you an example of what I’m talking about. Here is a screenshot of one of his columns:
Ladies, I need you to know that we’re apparently so fucking stupid, we don’t even know what trust means, therefore, how can we expect to date anyone that’s worth trusting? How can we find a man to trust, when we obviously don’t get the definition?
His “lesson”, and I’m using that verbiage in the loosest fucking way possible, was about sex. Let me break down a few bullet points for you:
“Don’t make sex about commitment”
“Maybe you’ve talked your boyfriend to death before taking the plunge in bed”
“Sex doesn’t have to be something that can only happen when the both of you are in the mood”
Yes, yes he did say that we don’t need to be in the mood in order to sleep with a guy. Because, fuck us, ladies, you just shut the fuck up, and you go with the mood he’s in.
I can’t understand how something so fucking archaic and backward is even printed, because I know when I publish, there’s a bitch on the other side of a monitor somewhere that isn’t afraid to give me the what for if I have something wrong.
Trust me. It’s gonna come to my attention, and fast.
This dude is out here advising women to “know his needs and try new things” when getting involved with a man, but also advising them not to make it about commitment.
Bruh, that’s not advising us on dating. That’s telling us how to fucking be a one night stand. Trust me, dicknose, we don’t need any help there.
We’ve been lied to and played long before you started “advising” us, and telling us that “men lie for self preservation, out of fear you’ll turn into a psycho chic” isn’t helping anything. Yes, he did. Yes, he really fucking did.
Look, the day I have to take any advice this dude is giving, I need to be punched dead in my shit. This guy is a thinly veiled he-man woman hater, and we don’t need another one of those trying to tell us how to be the blow up doll with a heartbeat that these dudes keep trying to turn us into.
Ladies, I’m going to do my fucking job and give you a few tips for dating and relationships, because I’ve gotten it absolutely, horribly wrong so many times that I know exactly how NOT to do it.
First, know yourself and know what you want. You don’t go into Wal-Mart without having a clue what aisle you’re heading to, otherwise it’s fucking chaos. Don’t randomly date without an idea of the type of guy you’re looking for, and exactly what your must haves are.
If he is cool to be unemployed, but must love dogs, that’s your business. If you need an executive who only sees you twice a month but calls you every other day, also your business, but know going in what will make you feel satisfied in your relationship.
Know your deal breakers. Y’all have heard me say it before, if you don’t love dogs, we won’t work. I know that, y’all know that, anybody I ever considered dating knows that. Because, surprise, if you don’t love dogs, we won’t work.
Bring something to the table. I always call this the trifecta- I’m attractive, I’m intelligent, and I’m hilarious. I feel like that is a pretty good start, and I’m confident that in matters of dating, for someone out there, that will be enough. More than enough. That will be desirable.
If it’s not your thing, leave the table. Don’t go on another bad date if he clearly isn’t what you’re looking for. He is far from the last guy on Earth, and it’s better to drop it early, and drop it completely, before anyone misunderstands the situation. Keep the air clear, and put all your cards face up on the table.
And, of course, be fucking safe. Ew, no bitch, I’m not in your bedroom, you know me better than that. I’m talking keep your whereabouts known to your people when you’re dating. Be visible. Don’t go into dangerous situations with people you don’t know. Don’t become a statistic.
That, people, is some dating advice for women, and I never once had to call us stupid, or insinuate that our opinions don’t matter, and we should just “stop talking your boyfriend to death”. Largely because I actually respect women, so I don’t need to infer that any of you are stupid, and don’t know how to fucking brush your teeth without a dude somewhere to let you know when you’re fucking up.
Anyway, I have an angry letter to draft. I’ll be sure to post highlights.
If you need dating advice, please, Ask A Bitchface.
Dead on the money as usual.
Here's and extension of your advice which is useful for anyone:
Make a list. In fact make several lists; pro and con, before you even start thinking about dating.
This is what I had to do to bust the cycles my bustipated picker set me into.
The list(s) ain't so much "check list," rather they're more a tool to get you pondering "is this person a good fit for what I need/want or not so much?"
Having them on paper in concrete form just helps you filter out the yayhoos who really need to be elsewhere than in YOUR life.
Not just the highlights, give us every scathing word!