I lose so many this way.
I almost have them out. In an Uber, on a bus, in a cab.
And then I have to do the part that keeps me from losing my shirt. And losing my ass in a lawsuit. I have to make sure I’m not picking up a 15-year-old to deliver to her boyfriend. Or worse.
I have to fucking get my ducks in a row.
And I do it as quickly as I can. I do the bare minimum to feel like I’m being responsible about it. I give myself a legal leg to stand on.
And then this shit happens. They get scared. They get a message from him swearing he’s changed, he’s sorry, it was an accident, he was drunk, he’ll never do it again.
And she’s gone. She’s on her way back to the abuse. She’s out of my grasp now, and back into his clutches.
And I’m sitting here in the silence, kicking myself. Crying. Telling Puffin that we’ll get her back. Sadly, we usually almost always do.
But what will he do to her next time? How bad will it be the next time? Will her bones be broken? Will he hit her kids too? Will she be physically able to call me for help?
There’s a reason a lot of these women don’t “just call the cops for help”, like some of these fucking ignorant assholes who have never been in these scenarios suggest. Remember, I was someone who couldn’t just call the cops. I would have been the one taken to jail. Yeah, he may have gone too, but the only one that would have hurt would have been my dogs, sitting there wondering when someone was coming to take care of them. Wondering why I never came home.
Some of these women, like myself, have legal trouble. Some have exes even worse than the prick they’re with now that will take their kids from them if they call for help. Literally, my best friend in the world, K, had the exact shit happen to her. Called for help with a piece of shit who was beating her, an event that opened the DCF case that allowed her ex to gain custody of her son.
It should not be this way. It shouldn’t be this hard, this much fuckery, just to be able to gather a go-bag and get the fuck away from the piece of shit who is beating you.
I try to be that missing link in the assistance chain.
Sometimes, though, I don’t make it in time. I don’t get my bases covered in time. I lose them. They go back because they think I am like everyone else, and I will abandon them, leave them sitting in a park or on a bench.
I won’t. I never would. But they don’t know that. They don’t know who to trust.
Please. Trust me. I’m here for you. I won’t abandon you. I just need to cover my ass a little legally. If I say an hour, I mean an hour. I’ll be back for you.
I am going to cry for a while now. If you’re looking for me, that’s where I’ll be. But if you need an uber out, or some help to free yourself from this shitty excuse for a life, just send a message. I’ll pull myself out of the funk I”m in, and I’ll get right back to being the Bitchface I need to be to get you free.
Y’all know where I am. Just, Ask A Bitchface if it’s important.
This is a whole bunch of conversations that could be had. But I will say that I have a photo on my phone of a friend in a hospital bed with a swollen, bloody face. She posted it on Facebook several years ago to hold herself accountable so she wouldn't go back. I can barely look at it, but I kept a copy in case I needed to use it to remind her or someone else what happens when you go back. My heart aches for the women that feel they have no other choice. With what's happening in housing, I feel that's going to increase... staying together for financial reasons. Ugh. Take care of yourself while doing this very heavy work. People learn things in their own time, and sometimes they never learn. We can love and help them but we can't internalize their struggles or think we can "fix" them. We have to accept that they may still make the wrong choice over and over. This is something I've had to come to terms with over the years. Sending a hug.
I’m too impatient to wait….lol