Imagine, A World Of Bitchface...
I'll tell you this, there would be so many fucking dogs. Everywhere.
So, I was sharing my superhigh type of joy with some friends tonight…
Ok, allow me to digress for just a moment:
Ask A Bitchface is in the Google ads. The new Medium landing page, and also this here, our little platform with the podcast excerpts and the 1-800-Fuckboy columns. When you follow one of the ads, you’re met with some of my dumb assery and sometimes, a BMan and I chopping it up blend, or the new things we’re doing on the Ask A Bitchface Medium spot, like “https://medium.com/@sadie_32655/c52f8b83041, Romancing the Crap Out of Each Other”, Lisa’s new contribution. It’s funny, y’all check it out, especially if you need to know exactly what you should never say to your wife or girlfriend.
So it led us to the question, What would a Bitchface world really be like?
Well, to start with, my tiara would be so fucking big. Secondly, there would be no kill shelters. None. No facilities to kill animals simply because someone doesn’t want them. I would replace that with free range shelters, just acres and acres of good, good boys and sweet girls that need someone to love them.
Damn, I already like the Bitchface world a whole hell of a lot more than reality.
Let’s see, all that beating around the proverbial bush? Nuh uh. That’s a hard no. Look, just lay the shit on the line, let’s either get you punched in the throat, or you can tell me how much you love me and worship the very Louboutins I walk around in, and I will probably autograph them for you, because that’s just awesome to hear in the commission of my normal workday.
No place for incels in the land of Bitchface, though. Y’all gotta find a new planet. That’s an immediate eviction, no notice necessary. Off my land, bitch.
Take the wifebeaters with you. We don’t want them either. Oh, oh my God. I am having an epiphany. How about the wifebeaters go with y’all and beat some of those ignorant ass ideas out of you? Bruh, it’s a two for one. Everyone loves a BOGO.
Oh, and while you’re at it, take Crocs. I mean, do I even need to expand on that thought? Just, take them and go.
Do us all a favor.