I'm Really Sorry I Didn't Even Get Close To Measuring Up
I missed that shit by probably 4 feet, and my ass is only 5'2.
It wasn’t my intention to be a complete waste of time. I really meant it when I told you that I’m a pain in the ass, and anything that I attempt to nurture is headed for an early grave.
Obviously. Take a look.
I was honest when I said that I’m probably the last person capable of a healthy relationship. I swear to God, I thought they were a myth. An urban legend. I’ve never seen one in real life. As a matter of fact, I’m still semi under the impression that they aren’t real, and may have been manufactured by the Hallmark channel for ratings.
I also know factually that I told you I will inevitably ruin anyone I get close to, because that’s what I do. That’s who I am.
That’s not to say that I’m not sorry. I am.
I really meant to be a better person. I meant to be less in my head, less moody, less of a real fucking Bozo.
In all of those areas, though, I failed.
If apologies were made of nickels, we would be newly wealthy by way of silver coins, but instead, they’re just words I’ve strung together to try to shake the guilt of being not enough to live up to the woman you thought I was.
I’m not her. I’m just me, and I can see by the disappointment on your face that it isn’t nearly enough, and that you’re not impressed at all.
So, although you can say honestly that I’m certainly not Made Of The Things That Good Girlfriends Are Made Of, you can’t say I didn’t tell you as much.
I take solace in that, if you want me to or not, I’m still going to.
Maybe if you’re in the market one day for Not Good Girlfriend Material, But The Kind That Will Do In A Pinch, I definitely have that title won, and the trophy is on my mantle.
I really am sorry. I tried to be less of a mess, but it turns out that just made everything messier. Go fucking figure, right.
OMG Woman, you short stop being so hard on yourself.
Maybe you're not girlfriend material, a mess at times, bathe in self loathing from over expectancies and Definitely a Titan when you need to be. By any measure, they are all traits of an academic and life learned person with incredible sense of empathy and compassion, with a decent moral compass, depth of character, wisdom and a light that makes the world a better place for having you in it.
If you are looking for a relationship, are you doing so because you are ready for one, lonely or for the conformity it brings?. I ask that because "great fortitude and tenacity", also describe what feel you to be.
And.... You owe us nothing, you put much effort in communication and posting, and give others a platform to be themselves, laugh, cry, rant and enlight. BUT...The most important thing to remember is Boys have Coodies.. Ewwwww!! 😉😁🤣
I'm 4'8, and I say from the bottom of my heart: "Get down here and fight me."
You measure up just fine. You're not anyone's "squeeze." Your legacy isn't to be "just enough to get by." See, the problem isn't you. It never has been, and it never will be. You don't owe a guy an apology for being you. You don't owe a guy a warning for acting normally. You don't owe anyone anything.
The problem is the guy. The ones you've had? They're obviously awful, and you putting yourself down for them isn't the way to go. You think they'll ever be happy with their head up in the clouds? Probably not.
Keep going. You'll make it.