Here’s one for the old yuletide file.
A Missouri woman stabbed her boyfriend on Christmas Eve.
Of course that’s not all. I wouldn’t bother telling you the story if that were all.
She stabbed her boyfriend with a sword on Christmas Eve, apparently to rid him of the “evil entities” inside him.
Yes, they were on drugs. Is there really a need to ask me that question? Of course not, stop being rhetorical when I’m trying to deliver the damned news.
She stabbed him three times, then called the cops on herself. When the cops asked her what happened, she began telling them of the evil entities, and that her boyfriend had been harvesting body parts over the last several months.
I can’t. I draw the line at harvesting body parts.
The wife of conspiracy theorist extraordinaire Alex Jones was also arrested. Not for stabbing him with a sword, but wouldn’t that be fitting considering?
I digress.
Her altercation is being blamed on a “medication imbalance”, which I take to mean drinking with psych meds, which will turn some people into raving lunatics.
So, Christmas Eve was just a hotbed of women really letting some dudes have it. I don’t know if they were thinking it was too late in the year to make it onto the “naughty” list, but I have news for them; it wasn’t and they’re on it.
This is the shit that makes me tired. I can’t imagine the arguments and nonsense that led up to these incidents, but I’m sure it wasn’t a holly, jolly Christmas.
Just writing this is making my nerves hurt.
No worries, y’all. If this is what it takes to have an elf on my shelf, continue counting me out. I don’t have the patience for beating or stabbing anyone during the holidays. There’s already too much happening, what with the traffic, and different temperatures that everything needs to be baked at. It’s just too damned much when you add stabbing your boyfriend with a sword.
So, here’s to Christmas and everyone who didn’t beat your husband because you mixed champagne with your Lexapro. I hope you took your rightful spot on the “Nice” list.
😂 Your writing is magical. Thank you so much for sharing!