I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m on good terms with nearly everyone I’ve ever been involved with. I don’t believe in post-relationship animosity, except for that one piece of shit.
I just don’t have it in me to give a fuck about what an ex is out there doing. As long as it isn’t trying to throw dirt on my name, I’m happy for you, hoss.
However, this has also led to me becoming some sort of therapist to dudes I was once involved with. I don’t get 3am bootie calls, I get 3am “listen to what happened, Ape”, calls.
Just happened a few minutes ago.
It’s like I’m post-relationship friend zoned, basically. I don’t guess I really understand that. Like, everyone trusts me enough to tell me their business, their drama, their little heartbreak stories.
I don’t really know. I think we’ve covered this. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me, but maybe one day when we find out, I won’t have to serve as everyone else’s therapist when they move on to the next one.
I’m kind of like Good Luck, Chuck, except the female version. Guaranteed, if he dated me, the next one he’s damned sure trying to marry.
But when that doesn’t work out, he’ll be sure to call me every night for a week and tell me all of the ways his heart is broken, and ask me what he did wrong.
I’m pretty good at listening, I guess, and maybe that’s a blessing and a curse. Or maybe just a curse.
I don’t have it in my heart to be a dick about it. I know what it feels like to be broken. Broken and alone is so much worse, so I listen.
Glad I have y’all to listen to me.
Anyway, if you’re looking for me, I’ll be here nursing one of my exes through a break-up with the woman he really loved, as he was certain to tell me. I’ll sure be glad when they’re all married off and this doesn’t happen anymore. Pretty sure that’s going to happen long before I have a someone. I got money on that bet, actually.
Bitchface lines are open, obviously. Call me and tell me all about how your ex did you wrong, I’ll console you in all the dead air spaces.
Fuck.
-Q
I would say "No thank you" to that emotional labor. I had a guy who was actively cheating on me AND the girl he was cheating on me with (or was he cheating on her with me?) both calling me for advice. She wanted consolation and to vent. He wanted advice on getting her to take him back! Some balls! I was like, "Oh hell no!"
The only human that I’m dealing with is my dead mother in law. Send me your email again