I'd Like to File a Grievance
This little tale struck a chord on Quora, so I'm over here now, hat in hand
Last Sunday I went to my grandfather’s 89th birthday party in Sacramento. Old boy’s still going strong and a good time was had by all.
Well, almost all.
I spent most the afternoon playing tag with my younger cousins. I must confess while I can chase them down in a straight line, my lateral quickness is not what it used to be. These are kids ages 11, 11, 9, and 4, and their agility is unmatched in this world. I may need to adjust my exercise routine, maybe try some plyometrics. Dodging around cars is fun - if you have a low center of gravity.
The cause of my aggravation, however, is due to the four-year-old. She had the audacity to change the rules of tag - as we were playing! She invented rules such as a “safe zone” on the porch where I couldn’t tag her. Miraculously I had no such zone to retreat to if I want to avoid being tagged. She could tag me with immunity. Discrimination!
Secondly, she shouted “freeze!” and I was forced to stand motionless as she danced around me. Excuse me, we’re not playing freeze tag. If we were, that should have been established from the outset.
And she had the unmitigated gall to claim I didn’t tag her when in fact I did. There were eyewitnesses. How dare she! This is unconstitutional!
To further complicate the situation, earlier in the day I helped her count to 10. Oh, she claimed she could only count to 5, yet when I asked her what number was after 5, she rattled off 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Add perjury to her list of offenses.
Rachel, I want to press full charges. Such egregious violations of the laws we hold dear should not go unpunished. Please advise on the proper legal proceedings. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere!
Actually, forget all that. After tag I taught her the Fresh Prince handshake and we shared some Skittles.
Still working on her calling me “Bwian”, though. The education of our youth never stops…