Bitchfaces. Y’all. Sloppy hos in the back row, I see y’all scowling extra hard at me today. That’s fantastic. I love me too, baby.
Let me tell y’all the wildest shit that has happened to a Bitchface this week. Last night, I’m in The Bay handling a few things, and left for North Florida around 9, maybe 10. Puffin, of course, in the back seat losing her fucking mind at anything moving around us. All is cool, until it isn’t.
We’re at a red light, and I notice this little dickhead behind me almost hits my truck. What the fuck. As we take off, he gets into the lane beside me and commences to riding the center line between the two lanes, nearly running two cars off of the road in the process.
This ignorant ass behavior continues about another two miles, dude swerving everywhere, me behind him going, “is this motherfucker drunk?”, cars being run off the road, whatever.
Then I wind up beside him at a red light. And I’m finna cuss him the fuck out, so I look over, Puffin still losing it, and this piece of shit is nodding out at the wheel. Full on, head to steering wheel, literally passing the fuck out on the wheel. This is no drunk. This is fucking narcotics.
Motherfucker.
So, as we leave this light, Rip van Fuckface gets behind me again, and damned near runs into the back of my truck again. Oh. Fuck. No.
Keep in mind, I have a sketchy ass history with the cops in the county we were in, and I still called them on this dickhead. I had no alternative. Someone would certainly have died. This dude was on heroin, fentanyl, or both, and I have zero doubt in my mind about that.
I told the dispatcher just what I have told y’all, but I added the fact that if he hit my truck and hurt my dog, he better pray straight to Jesus he overdosed, because I would wrap my hands around his junkie fucking throat for hurting my little bitchy dog,
Dude. What in the actual fuck is wrong with these fucking Bozos out there? Like, you couldn’t wait the 7 minutes until you got to your flophouse or parents basement to get obliterated high? Fuck you.
I am over this fentanyl shit, like yesterday. If you’re out wandering around like a fucking zombie, fuck you too.
Fuck.
-Q
Holy smokes. Skeery! There’s a very curvy steep hill that cuts down from one highway to another here. The last word of the name is “Hollow” if that gives you an idea. This car in front of me was all over the road on the way down. No side rails, either. On the little straight part before you get to the stop sign, they got in the right lane and I saw why a second later. There was a trooper at the store parking lot. When they turned and got out of sight, I simply slowed down and mouthed to the trooper with hand gestures that they were all over the road. He pulled out in front of me and gunned it. I caught up a mile later and he had them pulled over.