So, as you’re all aware, I put the I in single. This isn’t new news, I dislike people and thus, no. No, thank you, sir. I believe I’ll pass.
But let me tell y’all that I am a clutzy ass individual. Like, yes, I teeter around on extra tall heels, but I really shouldn’t. I’m a fucking hazard.
I’m 640% sure that I have managed to break my collarbone, but due to the fact that I broke a collarbone back in the 90’s and did nothing about it, I know factually, I can break a collarbone and do nothing about it. I’m not made of money, and I live in the US. Nope.
Let me tell you, though. If Puffin could talk, that bitch would have one hell of a story to tell y’all.
So, I’m 5’2. My house isn’t made for people who are 5’2. It’s made for regular sized people.
I climb on chairs for everything. I don’t know why, I have a two step. Sheer laziness.
Today, I had one of the big bulbs on the vanity go out. Unacceptable. I pull the chair from my room into the bathroom. It has wheels.
Yes. Yes, I really fucking did that.
I go to step from the sink into the chair, and it goes. I partially go with it, but grabbed the sink so I didn’t smack my head.
Yeah, I’m not really happy with the way that went down. Here’s the worst part: it was pre shower. So it occurs in the nude. Yep, now reimagine the whole situation.
It shouldn’t take that long, you fucking perv, let’s focus on the collarbone and move along, shall we?
Needless to say, getting dressed was like being stabbed with a hot barbeque fork in the shoulder. I almost said fuck it, but Puffin, after she stopped laughing at me, decided she wanted to go outside. I’ve chased her around enough without pants, but topless just isn’t an option at this point in my life.
I was damned near screaming in pain by that point. I thought, “if I just had someone to pull this fucking shirt over my head….”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the first time in ten years I have regretted not having a partner. Then I managed to get my shirt over my head, and here we are.
Also, my neighbor had a sling from her own fall a couple of years ago, so I’ll be sitting around with my broken wing looking pitiful for a week or two. It’s a good thing I don’t have any manual labor to do that requires both hands.
Jesus. The dumb shit. This was 100% the dumb shit.
That’s all. I’m going to chew some Aleve and pack a hot towel in my shirt. Don’t be me. Don’t climb around using chairs with wheels. Unless you have someone to hold it, or grab you when you start chair surfing.
Or... instead of thinking you need a boyfriend for that, just get a really tall friend. 😉
We are too much alike. Add 5'10", the hall light, and a concussion, and that's my story. 🤦♀️🤷♀️