I Don't Know Who Was In Charge Of Keeping Me Preoccupied...
But you have failed miserably, and I need your badge and keys, bruh.
You know, I rarely ever ask y’alls asses for anything. That’s actually probably false, but for the purpose of this column, let’s pretend that’s actually true.
So, when I ask y’all to keep me from strolling down Memory Lane, right onto Not So Distant Memory Court, it would help if you would actually do so. Lately, I’ve been making some of the most asinine decisions ever made in the history of self-destructive women.
I mean, really, people, they’ve been utter fucking nonsense.
Why? Because the memory is better than the person it belongs to. Everything you ever loved about someone is magnified by the power of loneliness, and it feels like they’re so much better than they actually were.
It’s actually that magnification that allows us to think that it might be something. It might really be worth another shot.
*cue the sound of the record scratching* Bitch, snap the fuck out of it. It’s absolutely not worth it.
Look, I’m no better than anyone else. I get stuck in my memories and lead myself to believe that people weren’t as total shit as they really are. Now, who is that helping? Absolutely no one, because we’re just lying to ourselves.
When the choice is lonely or “maybe he really wasn’t as much of an asshole as I remember”, *hand me my erroneous bitch buzzer, somebody*, Bitch, wrong, you know they were absolutely horrid and you’re lucky not to fuck with them anymore.
I like to think of lonely as a magnifying glass. Constantly making dudes seem taller, more well endowed, and less of a bottom-feeding Fuckboy. Lonely is the supersizer of the emotions.
Yet, knowing exactly what I just said and applying it to the ghosts of recent Fuckboy past are two completely different things.
I digress. My actual beef here is with whoever it was that was supposed to keep me from hauling ass down the rapidly eroding path from which I came.
Someone was definitely sleeping on the job. Please see BMan on your way out and drop your badge and keys. This is grounds for termination.
I'll take in that job, but I'm going to give you some homework first: Make a cost/benefit analysis list of each relationship.
From that set of analyses make a list of want/don't want and red flag/yellow flag/green flag events for any potential future relationship.
Fyi this set of analyses took me almost two years to complete and was the hardest thin I ever had to do.. it also saved my ass from several dozen idiot moments because it forced me to get conscious about my part in getting conned and gave me a simple checklist to test against for go, no go, and GFY situations rather than just getting swept away.