This motherfucker.
Dude, you know there are a lot of times I just can’t even. Like, I think to myself, I should really write a column on this asinine shit, you know, just so I can remember exactly when I predicted some fuckery. The effort, though, it’s like it pains me to have to repeat the stupid shit that is taking place.
Don’t worry, I already made room in the file-o-flex for my next cease and desist. It’s going right next to the first one I got from this vag. Speaking of vag….
Wellllllp, if you’re a cop here in Florida, I’m incredibly sorry, but it seems you’ll be on the next train down to checking genitalia town. Yea, no seriously, get your ticket and pack your fucking bag.
Ain’t no body armor saving you from this shit show.
Also, someone remind me to up my waxing schedule, because I don’t want to be caught looking unkempt. That’s just…
What the fuck is really fucking going on?
Are y’all hearing the fucking words leaving my fingertips? Like, this isn’t a goddam drill, people. This is legit really the fucking scenario.
I can’t. Dude. I just. What?
Ok. Goddamit, April, get your shit together, it’s time to speak the usual form of broken English you speak with. Just…allow me a pearl clutch over here.
SB254, the gender affirming care ban, also includes the super fun side note of trans bathroom bans. I said super fun side note but what I really meant was, “I can’t say what I want to say right now because I’m already flagged and not looking forward to the trip out to Lowell I’m probably going to end up taking”.
Look. I don’t get into the trans side of shit. I just don’t, because it hasn’t been something I needed to. I’m just a fucking human. I’m not gay, but I’ve got a lot of y’all on my team, and I’ve got my ribbon halo ready to ride.
This is a goddam dystopian nightmare. 1984, baby, we are here.
So, according to an unnamed source, which is why I’m not yet already in the bubble Caprice headed up to have a word with that fat, egomaniacal clown, a woman has already been genitalia checked in a public restroom.
Who the-
Wh-
Motherfucker.
Turns out, the woman checked was an actual, real life securely tucked uterus woman. Like that should have to be a point, but. I mean, I get it, really, I do. I’m a woman. I feel like some spaces are seriously just for women. I don’t want dudes all up in my pelvic area when I’m already trying to hoversquat over a public toilet.
That’s fucking uncomfortable.
But, even more uncomfortable, being a woman who is a little “manish”, and being vag handled by the fucking cops.
I want to know how you get stuck with that fucking duty. Your desk sergeant hates your ass. I mean. Really, dude, he does.
I don’t subscribe to a lot of the Gen Z terminology, because I’m a fucking grown up and it’s just stupid. However, for this, I don’t need to. Nobody needs to be visually inspecting anyone else’s junk to be able to piss in a dirty ass Waffle House bathroom. Get fucking real.
I hope to God one of you Susans’ gets an extra short bob this summer and winds up on the wrong end of this legalized sexual assault. We’ll never hear the fucking end of it then, not until some leopards eat some fucking faces.
Welp. Meow.
It’s times like these I’m so thankful for these backbreaking boobs. About damned time they did something for me. Well, I mean other than everything else they’ve ever done for me. It’s a long list, let’s just forget I mouthed off. I’m sorry, boobs, you deserve better. Please, don’t fail me now. Not in this, the need proof of uterine times we’re now in.
I’m absolutely fucking floored. If I’m asleep, someone had better get the fuck over here and wake me from this nightmare.
What in the fuck.
-Q
I used to own a very popular women's networking company in Sarasota. An individual who presented as trans when she wasn't at work would come to our girls night mixers. I never batted an eyelash. She was great, respectful, showed up as a gorgeous woman with better legs than me, was very social. One night, a member who had clearly had too much to drink approached me at the registration desk to tell me that someone at the mixer wasn't a woman. "Oh boy," I thought. "Here we go." As it turns out, she was referring to a longtime member who was just a more masculine looking woman. I was relieved for Sabrina even though I had no intention of doing anything. Someone once left me a phone message about her, and I did call and tell her about it for her safety. I reassured her that she was 100% welcome at my mixers. As you can imagine, I was crushed a few months later when she took her own life. I got the feeling she was didn't have the support to truly be who she wanted 100% of the time. But I'm so glad I can look back and feel good about my interactions with her in relation to my events.
Can she bring a fed case for invasion of privacy, constitutional rights violations, anything?