Hey, Y'all Need To Grab Your Momma And Daddy...
This has gone on for long enough, snatch their asses up.
Listen, when I was a kid, there was a line with my momma you just didn’t cross. Now, that line was subject to move without warning, but the point is, you knew you were getting your ass beat if you crossed it.
For the last fucking year, Jason and Amber, we’ve been watching y’all momma and daddy run around town without masks on like some bum ass hos, making Wal-Mart cashiers cry about fucking PPE, talking crazy anti-vaxxer shit… enough is enough.
This is the fucking line, in case you were wondering.
I don’t often tell this story, but there was a time I had to punch my daddy dead in his shit. Trust me when I say it was full fucking merited. Also, trust me when I say I’m no longer invited to weddings on that side of my family, but it wasn’t even open bar, so…
The point is, get your fucking people, Keith and Alicia. Get your momma and daddy and make their asses drive that big fucking gas guzzling SUV right on back to where they just had the early bird special before they decided to skip “Murder, She Wrote” for the night and instead try to start a damned coup.
If y’all ain’t finna deal with your people, then dammit, I’m going to. Look, Butch and Sandra aren’t going to put up that much of a fight. Have you hit your 40’s yet? For fucks sake, if a doorknob is too hard to turn I fucking need a nap.
Shit, writing this column is making me need a nap.
Look, we’re not dealing with young, strapping individuals, nor are these some rocket scientists with a force field. Get up there, grab them by the ear or the ponytail, just like they did you. Drag their bad asses into the house, and no TV for them tonight. See how they like that shit.
Christ, almighty.
Wake me from my nap when there is something at hand that can’t be handled with a little fucking common sense.
As far as the recap, for the life of me, I just cannot understand why police have to dress up like Army Men? Go figure!