He's A Duck, I'm A Tornado...
The Fuck? Who in the fuck would call me a tornado? Clark Cunt, that's who.
So, let me tell y’all about this damned Clark Cunt and his ridiculous ability to always say something that either makes me get in my feels or cracks me the fuck up. Listen, y’all know I can say some shit that’ll punch you in the heart. This dude, though.
Exhibit A:
Today, we’re talking, just some random middle-of-the-day talk, I’m telling him of something I saw that reminded me of him. I can’t have shit to do with high-strung men, because I’ll lose my shit.
I have to be around a dude who is my calm, who makes shit feel nice and smooth, even when it’s fucking insanity. I say as much, and he says to me, “uh, Babygirl, I know all about that shit, you’re a tornado”. I said, “why would you assume I’m a fucking tornado, I’m nothing of the sort”.
Y’all, this man said “There’s no presumption. Have you seen you?”
*cue the fucking sound of the record scratching*
I said, “if I’m a tornado, what are you?”
“I’m a duck. On the surface, I’m nice and calm. But I’m paddling like hell under the water.”
Well, fuck me. I guess that’ll do.
This is the way all of our conversations go. I’ll say something, usually throwing a double entendre out there because I’m a real Bitchface and I like him to have to think about his answer. This dude though. This fucking dude is on point.
Be it 4 am or 4 pm, I really can’t trip this dude up. I don’t know what the fucking deal is, it’s like he has cue cards or something. I haven’t known anyone who could hang with all of my Bitchery and shenanigans since BMan, Jesus look after him, and it’s really throwing me off of my game.
Clearly, the answer is more cleavage. I’ll trip this fucking dude up yet. Sit there and have some sort of good answers with deep meanings with me, sir. I’ll fucking show you.
A fucking tornado. I’m a lot of things, surely not some little disorganized ass bag of wind. I’m at minimum a hurricane. Probably a typhoon.
Tornado. What type of midwest ridiculousness is that? Psssh. I’ll give him the duck analogy. Dude is quick, y’all.
Reminded me of a song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo
A tornado isn't disorganized but it has the power to throw things to high heaven to earth again.