Now, y’all know I love to talk about how I will completely erase someone from my life lickety-split. That’s because I fucking love to completely erase someone from my life, lickety-split.
I don’t care if we’ve been cool for 30 years, you can kick rocks, too, sir.
Recently, I’ve had to put this shit to rest with some folk. Everyone knows I’m not with the dumb shit. Y’all know the dumb shit I’m talking about.
You’re breaking up with your boyfriend every other week? The dumb shit. You can’t keep a job because you call out 3 days a week? The dumb shit. You and your homegirl are sleeping with the same dude, and not in the Pornhub sense? Definitely the dumb shit.
I don’t have time for any of that fuckery. Not a single iota of your drama can be transferred over to my life, not by bank routing number, not by osmosis, not by touch transfer. I don’t want your fuckery anywhere near me.
Yet, here these bitches come.
“Girl, we broke up again.” “Girl, I can’t work those hours.” “Girl, she still fucking with my baby daddy.”
No. Nuh-uh. I can’t do it. I can’t subscribe to this dumb shit, not today, next week, 6 Tuesdays from this next one, never. No.
It never fails though. This happens when you’re the token single broad. Every chic that is going through some trial or tribulation with her dude suddenly can’t stop telling me all of her business. I’m her new best friend because everyone thinks that since I’m single, I must be in the mix.
Well, allow me to disappoint you, sugarfoot. I couldn’t give three fucks less what is happening outside of my immediate circle.
I’m not interested in going to the bar, I’m not interested in listening to baby daddy drama, I’m definitely not interested in anything that has to do with the shit that has you chasing your own ass around like an idiot.
What is it with the “misery loving company but trying to make it look like a party” mindset? I don’t want to pretend you’re over your boyfriend in a bunch of selfies with you. I don’t want to go to bars you know he frequents so he can hear about us being there. I don’t want any of that shit, it’s why I’m not involved with anyone. Because of this exact dumb shit.
Listen, I hate to have to stop answering you, but I will add you to my “I don’t fuck with you” list so fast. Like, you’ve never seen a bitch whip out a pen and start making notations like I’ll do this shit, sis.
You don’t believe how serious I am about the peace in my life? Bitch, fuck around and find out. You can be under “Drama Llama” in my contacts so fast.
Please stop calling me like I’m the Newly Single Fairy Fucking Godmother. I’m not. Although, I do have some really amazing ruby slippers, except they’re stiletto-heeled, of course.
Beside the point. I’m not your tour guide down to Splitsville, sis. You’re gonna have to handle your 4th breakup this month on your own.
Some people try to make THEIR problems OUR problems & that's not cool. It's like sure I'll be ur ear & allow u to vent, advice where I deem fit but when it's the same shit over & over & u realize u should've taken the advice & are now finding out i was right all along, LEARN FROM THAT SHIT!! It's UR choice to continue dealing w it but keep me tf out of it. This is the 5th "whole world" by now bitch u should have a whole ass solar system! I hate bullshit & drama w a passion but for the Love of God I can't escape it! I don't practice what I preach but I damn sure don't try to unload my shit onto anyone else. My issues are mine & mine alone. I own it, why can't they?!😤🙄I'm perfectly content in my own bubble don't bring ur toxic relationship he said she said drama round here! Save the drama for yo mama!😂