Entertaining Myself Lately...
In the drought, you have to live frugally.
Bitchfaces, how goes it? That’s fantastic, and I am as well. Thanks for asking.
Seeing as how we’re now officially in the drought, I’ve been living like the brokest bitch this side of the Mason Dixon. Due mostly to the fact that I am the brokest bitch this side of the Mason Dixon, however, I digress.
As you’re all aware, I like to scare the piss out of myself like I don’t already have to bury my face in Puffin’s side when I hear scary noises, and have every light in my house burning up all of TECO’s expensive ass energy all night long.
All of those things are true, yes. It doesn’t stop me from doing dumb shit like falling asleep to Backwoods Creepy stories.
If you’re not familiar with them, these are random ass stories of people who are hunting, camping, or just walking in the woods and something happens that takes it from bland to horror movie in the snap of a twig. It seems everyone has a scary woods story, and I’m here for them.
Not literally. I don’t camp. Ever.
Why? Because there are no bathrooms there. I do not go places without bathrooms, as we’ve discussed before. If I cannot sit to pee, not hover, and full-on wash and dry my hands afterwards, fuck that, I’m not going.
It’s just gross, that’s why.
However, I will listen to the folk who are brave enough to risk hepatitis to bring me tales of random encounters with creepy ass dudes, Sasquatch, more creepy ass dudes, and random animals while they’re sleeping on the damned ground like Serta isn’t a fucking thing.
I consider this to be training for a time I may actually be forced to camp, although I honestly can’t envision something that would be mighty enough to make me do such a thing. Perhaps if Puffin were lost in the woods, although she also won’t go places without a bathroom, so it’s a pretty far stretch for the two of us, if we’re being honest.
I find it’s taking my mind off of a lot of shit I can’t control at the moment, so there’s that. Anyway, it might help if you feel you’re stuck in a mental rut, and you’re also the brokest bitch you know.
That’s it for me today. I’m back to the backwoods, via the internet, of course. Right here, directly across the hall from the bathroom, as it should be.
-Q