Still the Bitchface in Ask A Bitchface, in case you had any doubts.
I went into an inbox today and retrieved an email from Melissa, as in Melissa Stewart from Q, definite Bitchface herself, and realized I haven’t done the Ask A Bitchface box in a while. So, what better time than the present to get into that level of fuckery?
Cool. Let’s do this shit.
Dear Bitchface,
I’m 37, and recently divorced after a 12 year marriage. I have started online dating, but it seems like all of the guys interested in me are in their 20’s. I just can’t bring myself to become a cougar. What is your advice on finding guys my age in the dating pool?
Lonely and Looking
Well, well, well…it seems as though someone decided to lob me the easy hits today. Let me tell you something awesome; if you’re 37 and guys in their 20’s are chasing you around, bitch, you had better wrap your brain around that shit quickly. Clearly, you’ve been doing as I do and using your Peter Thomas Roth skincare products, because duh, they’re not chasing you because you remind them of their mother.
I read an article the other day about why women are choosing guys substantially younger than themselves, and one of the reasons is that it is a serious ego boost. I was 15 years older than my ex, and it seems my magic number is 28. If there is a 28 year old guy in the same zip code as me, dude is trying to get my number before the night is out.
I think it speaks to the fact that I’ve not allowed 42 to make me look or act 42. I’m not out in the clubs and bars anymore, but I’m also not Debbie Downer in social situations. I know Fun personally, we speak when we see one another, and I’m fairly certain I’m on Funs’ Christmas card list. I refuse to turn myself over to support hose and socks with sandals.
I’m of the mindset that there is absolutely nothing wrong with a pretty big age difference once you get past certain milestones in life. I wouldn’t go out with anyone who hasn’t already settled into a career, had at least one long-term relationship, and has a little bit of life experience under their belt. That said, age has nothing to do with most of that, and that’s why it’s idiotic to have hard and fast rules about what is acceptable for age difference and what isn’t. It’s really about the person and where they are in their life.
Need I remind everyone of the King of the Fuckboys, Derek? Listen, Dereks ho ass is 45, and I swear my 28 year old ex could run circles around that motherfucker in terms of adulthood. Derek is one of those guys that is never going to grow up. It’s not in his nature. His mama and daddy will always be fiscally saving him, and he will always be taking the irresponsible way out of everything. Facts.
Here is my advice, Lonely. Take a chance. You only live once. You’ve already been in a relationship that didn’t work with someone who was an “appropriate” age. Why not have a little fun and see if you can’t put a smile on your face, at least for a coffee date? Eh, maybe not coffee. You don’t wanna put all that caffeine in the little guy, he might not have had a nap and could get cranky later.
All jokes aside, there is something to be said for younger guys now. They don’t have that same Al Bundy mindset. They’re on a whole different set of values now, and it’s actually refreshing. What could it hurt to see if you mesh? If you don’t, leave his ass at Chuck E. Cheese, and go home and have a glass of wine while you listen to Michael Bolton in your fuzzy bathrobe. It’s how I handle it.
Let me know how it goes, good or bad. I promise, it’s better than sitting around divorced and unhappy. Better to be divorced and excited about something. Trust me.
The Queen.
I totally agree!!!!! Guys do it all the time, and I say have as much fun as you possibly can. It’s not “ He who has the most toys win, it’s she who has the most fun wins”
Fucking thank you! This is why you are The Queen. Masterfully said.