This just in:
I may snap on this dude before I can get to the meat of this series he’s hocking. Y’all are fixing to understand as soon as I run this shit back for you.
I decided that I would get into the second promotional email this evening while I had some “free writing” time.
Mother of God, that was so lacking in the departments of forethought and focus, because this shit isn’t light reading. It’s like David Koresh and Dear Abby had a baby out of wedlock. It’s the Manson family doing downward dog.
It’s new age cult speak, but in a weird harmony with dude preaching some fundamentalist, like “we put the fun in fundamentalist”, drivel. Let me share a few of the points that really put me in my fucking feelings about this guy.
The lesson today: From Single to Committed.
*The Queen, reading this headline* “Okay, well that’s enough. I’ll pass on your whole menu. Not even a water. “
I made myself digest the intro, where he asks if they “want to know one of the biggest reasons men leave a relationship and move on to the next?”
Well?
Why?
Fuck.
Oh, here it is. Um.., apparently women aren’t upfront about who we really are. We lie about what we want from men, and think we can change the rules of the game halfway through.
Oh, yeah. He really did say that. He’s just warming up though, these are throat exercises for this dicknose. Wait until dude really gets firing on all cylinders.
Now he’s fixing to tell us- that is, those of us in the crowd that are women, how we can not be lying liarfaces who get dumped, and instead be this woman:
“Support his dreams as though they are your own”
“The important thing to remember is it’s not about you. It’s about him and what matters to him to make a meaningful life”
“Show him you not only like his idea to be the next senator, you’ll vote for him too.”
Hold on a second. Y’all gonna have to give a Bitchface a minute.
Whoo. Felt a little sick for a second. Must have been that helping of fucking misogyny I had earlier.
I went through a few of his other titles while I was breathing into a paper bag waiting for the nausea to pass, and you can take your pick of these classics:
“Why You’re Driving Men Away and What to Do About It”
“7 Man Melting Phrases”
‘‘Bitter’ Women Instantly Learn To Trust Again By Following These 3 Steps”
(If we’re being honest, I’m probably the bitter bitch. It’s cool, I’m not mad.)
Wait a minute. Wait just one fucking minute, yes I am mad. I’m mad because he’s claiming to be a relationship advisor to single women, but he’s saying shit like, “Women are blaming their lackluster dating life on the things that are happening around them. It’s not their fault the world is such a crummy place, so why bother?”
I don’t know many women, myself included, who don’t immediately start looking for fault in ourselves the second shit heads south. I have walked in and caught a husband with another woman, and still had the fucking audacity to ask me what was wrong with me that he would have done me that way.
It’s what women do. And this fucking Bozo would know that if he asked us. Or liked us in a platonic, neighborly sort of fashion.
I don’t foresee him doing that, though, and I even referenced my crystal ball for this shit.
All right, let’s see if tomorrow brings us anything remotely geared toward women, written in the tone of women, or does it just keep capitalizing Women and calling it the Gospel According to Dudes Pretending to Treat Women like Real People.
See. Doesn’t that look like somebody with some authority said that? They didn’t, it was just my dramatic ass with a “exhibit A” thing happening there.
I’m also going to see if I can get some of the women who willingly listen to this dude to tell me exactly the fuck why. I think that’s going to be the real challenge, as I can’t believe women with coherent thoughts call this dude a women’s dating expert.
So lemme make sure I understand--yesterday's 'lesson' was not to speak about ourselves on dates and to concentrate solely on the man's hopes and dreams. Today's lesson says we can't pull a switcheroo and tell the dude who we really are after a while. If I'm getting this, the whole idea is to totally subjugate ourselves for the duration of the 'relationship' and NEVER show our true self or show our needs. Got it.
Are you sure there are any women willingly listening for a purpose other than mockery? And now I’m picturing wives/girlfriends tied up in front of the computer made to digest this crap…