Can I Present A Few Facts To You Today?
I mean, these numbers are more sobering than truck stop coffee.
Last night, I was able to come to some of my people with great news. One of the survivors I spoke with on a steady basis on my domestic violence board was able to get out. She is free. She made it.
When I tell you I cheered out loud, y’all need to know it was as though my Bucs had already taken it to the house. I couldn’t be more proud, because so many of us don’t make it out with our lives. I came within an iota of not living through my abuse. Had he realized I was still alive before he kicked me in the head, I probably wouldn’t be.
It’s not some shit that only happens to a certain type of woman, or in certain types of homes. Y’all bitches know I don’t take any shit. I was trapped. Financially, I literally could not go. It can happen to any of us, ladies, mark my words.
Today, I wanted to present some numbers to you, because I always trust my whiteboard to give me the God’s honest, and that’s how I’m breaking it down for y’all today.
1 in 5 women in the US have been raped. Of those women, 46% were raped by someone known to them. 45% were raped by an intimate partner.
*DJ, cue that record scratching*
Yes. That’s what the fuck I just said. 45%. That’s fucking debauchery.
61% of stalking victims are being stalked by a former partner. Intimate partner homicides don’t just kill partners; 20% of victims in intimate partner killings are family, friends, and neighbors who tried to intervene.
Every year, victims of domestic violence lose a total of 8 million dollars in paid work days they’re forced to take off.
Of those missing work because of pain, bruising, or being unable to leave the home under threat of the abuser, 21% will lose their job because of it.
Between 2003 to 2008, 142 women murdered at their job were killed by their abuser. That’s 78% of women killed at their job, it was their partner that came to their job and murdered them.
You know what? I think we should all just take a moment and let those numbers do some marinading. That’s a lot of fucking abuse. Like, all of those numbers are way too fucking high for me to sit back and stop preaching at y’all, my fucking choir.
Something has to give. I don’t know who is teaching these men how to be men, but you are failing. You are miserably failing. You should find another line of work, and STAT.
I know I have said numerous times, I won’t be caught in a position where I ever have to take it again. I will reaffirm that statement for you today. I won’t hesitate to break a dude off something for coming at me sideways, and best of luck to his ass once my folk find out about his little bitch ass moves.
I have no qualms about it; you put your hands on me, I’m calling your whole fucking Rolodex starting with your granny, and ending with your kindergarten teacher, asshole, so think long and hard about how you’re about to ruin your life.
Ladies, we have to stop affording them the protection of silence. I know it’s embarrassing. Shit, how do you think I felt telling y’all about that punk bitch choking me to the floor? But I did it, I told my story because if it saves someone else, I took it for a fucking reason.
Don’t let it be for no reason. Don’t let him whip your ass for nothing. Don’t allow him to hide in the words you don’t say.
Tell it all. To everyone. Let it be known exactly what kind of a monster he is.
I stayed. I’m ashamed to say that I stayed. He only hit me once but he never did it again. He knew I would leave. But he would throw things in my direction and verbally abuse and manipulate me.
Why didn’t I leave? My parents were the same way. They (yes both of them) were emotionally, physically and verbally abusive. I didn’t expect any better because I didn’t know any better. He passed away more than 6 years ago and I’m free. I’ll never go back. I’ll never again tolerate that type of behavior. I’ve dated some and it’s been a painful learning experience. I’ve since take a break but I’ve learned a lot. I’m free and I’m so happy and I’m so worth it.
Thank you for saying it. It’s a war out there, ladies. I’m not in the US, but we are a similar culture here in Canada. Except for this: DV violence is up during the pandemic. How much? It varies. Today I read numbers for one small (urban and sophisticated) area and it’s almost double the calls to police to break it up in 2020, from last year.