Are you an Aries?
How am I so good at reading people? I have to be, it's how I've saved my own life.
Today, I was talking birthdays, because I missed an important one last week. So I say to Brian, “When is your birthday, Brian? You’re an Aries, right?” Because Brian, in all of his empathy, sensitivity, drive, and values is all Aries, all day. It’s not even like I put all of my stock in horoscopes, I’m Catholic, but if you don’t recognize that your birthdate has a lot to do with the type of person that you are, you’re just being pig-headed. It really does.
So, of course, I was right, and Brian wanted to know how I did the magic trick. “I read people. Traits and motives”. I was a single woman living in Detroit, Memphis, Columbus, Atlanta. I am still alive today because of my ability to read people, and I have no doubt about that.
I’ve been in some sketchy situations, I won’t deny that. I’ve been involved with men who weren’t good people, women who had terrible intentions befriended me, a lot of scenarios I probably shouldn’t have made it home from, I still made it home. Ladies, that didn’t happen from shushing my inner voice that said: “this dude is about to pull some shit, get ready to jump out”. I didn’t care what it made me look like afterward, I cared that there was an afterward.
Shushing that inner voice, ladies, that’s what gets us murdered. You don’t want to appear rude when you’re approached by a stranger, or someone shows up on your doorstep, you don’t want them to see you locking your storm door. Why? What does that person’s opinion of you matter if you’re raped and murdered? Do you think when they’re retelling the story, they’re going to say “you know this bitch actually saw me coming and locked her doors? That’s why I killed her”.
The fact remains, yes, most of the time we are murdered by our spouses and boyfriends. But, look at the serial killers of men in this country. Dahmer, famous because they found a buffet of people he was eating in his home. Otherwise, he was just someone who killed gay men. Gacy, famous because he was a community pillar, dressing as a clown for birthday parties, otherwise just a killer of men he raped. Cunanan had to kill Versace to get famous.
Yet, the thousands of women who have been gutted, dismembered, stuffed in barrels, dropped into the ocean with bricks tied to their bodies, this shit happens to us every day. Not every other day, not once in a while. Every day. Granted, a lot of the women in the sex industry are targeted, but I will tell you right now, if your car breaks down, and you have no phone service, that serial killer isn’t going to question you for a few hours to be sure you’re a prostitute, not walking to find help to call a tow truck.
That’s why it’s dangerous to think, no it doesn’t happen to regular women, just those selling themselves. Wrong. It does happen to regular old chics, just going about their day trying to support their family and keep food on the table. It can happen to any of us at any time. I’m often chided for saying that when shit goes wrong, I go to the largest black man in the place and sort my bearings. I learned that from my years in clubs and bars, because let me tell you this: that crazy fuck who came in shooting the whole joint up, it isn’t my large black bouncer. It’s the white guy who just got fired for trying to slide inappropriate notes into a female coworkers locker.
The last time I heard of a black man serially snatching and killing white women was ….. Well, I’m still thinking about that one. The fact remains, stranger abductions are not commonplace for women over 21. Those that cross racial borders are even more rare.
I’ll take my chances with hiding with the giant black guy. I know factually, he’s statistically my safest bet. Also, chances are he isn’t the one that teased that weird guy who was fired for coming on to the co-worker, because I’ve heard a thousand times “nope, he ain’t shooting me when he goes crazy on the job”.
Ladies, if you can’t read people, if you don’t have a lot of street smarts or people skills, I urge you to stay in your cocoon, because it’s a rough world. The fact that it can and does come to suburbia on its vacation seems to miss some ladies altogether. Just because you live in your subdivision under the guidance of your HOA with your husband Jim, and your 2.5 children and dog named Beau, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come to your town, to your neighborhood. Barb the bitchy HOA president can’t just show up and start citing ordinances and make people with horrible intentions move along.
Did you know that every episode of Criminal Minds has truth and a basis in a real incident? It does. I can actually run them back for you when I get the time one day. Men don’t have the same worries that we do. If you’re thinking that your husband is considering your safety when he posts about his hunting trip with the guys or the business trip he’s on in Japan, he forgot. He forgot it wasn’t safe to let everyone know he’s away from home for a week, which means you’re home alone, and is Barb going to stand on the porch all night waiting for rape and murder to show up?
I really don’t know how to do much more for women as a whole than exactly what I’m doing. I reach out to educate, I cite statistics, I urge women to tell me their stories so that I can get the word out to a broader audience, but girls, I can’t be at your house when your boyfriend, who showed all the signs, that because you broke up with him yesterday for cheating, decides he’s going to take your life.
I can tell you to be aware, to set your alarm, to have your dog in your bedroom, to keep your pistol accessible, to not sleep with your phone in another room, and to ensure that your neighbors know to call the cops if they see his vehicle. Other than that, I have to live my existence.
Look, if you’re not going to remember any of those things to help yourself, remember this one: don’t ever let them make you change locations. If they’re trying to take you from your home, school, a Walmart parking lot, you fight with everything you have. Don’t go anywhere under the promise that they won’t hurt you if you’re quiet and behave and don’t put up a fight. They’re taking you where nobody will see, nobody will hear, and nobody will find your body. Don’t. You fight with everything inside you, because if you change locations, your chances of survival are less than 15%. Are you willing to take those odds?