"Also, No Fat Chics..."

Only one fat pussy allowed at this rally, y'all.

via Pexels

Now, I’m not one to call a spade a sp-

Wait. That’s a lie. I don’t know what I was thinking. Of course I’m going to call a spade a fucking spade, because I don’t give two hot damns about any of the social graces it takes to babysit these pantie waists. Here’s some real audacity for y’all:

Pete Kegstand, who is unfit to manage a fucking Dollar General, sent out the “uniform requirements” to officials at Ft. Bragg, telling the Army that soldiers in the stands must be checked for allegiance, and also for appearance. “Heavier” soldiers were barred from participating, lest their ample asses be caught on camera and ruin the dystopian nightmare.

The “allegiance check” was to ensure they would only cheer this dumpy, fat fuck and all of his “jokes”, which really just amount to him cock worshipping some dude and fellating microphones, but tomato, tomato.

These motherfuckers.

Now, it seems some shit is brewing up in Iran, and because we’re over here running a fucking three ring circus, we can’t do shit about it. What are we going to do, threaten them with military action? By whom?

Fucking Kegstand? That drunk ass Nazi couldn’t find his way out of the fucking paper bag he totes his vodka in, so that’s out. We could sic Kristi ‘The Dog Murdering Psychopath Whore’ Noem on them, but that bitch is as dumb as a stack of sandpaper, so she would be robbed and POW’d right out of the gate.

*please send Stephen Miller, please send Stephen Miller*

Well, it’s not a bad idea. His wife is Team Ketamine now, so what does that supervillain have to live for? Let’s all hope not much, because if anyone deserves a fiery pit of hell for eternity, it’s that fucking Nazi.

This is a real fucking shitshow, y’all, and it’s ramping up harder by the day. This, Bitchfaces, is what happens when you lose respect on the world stage, and now we’re all fucking sitting here looking stupid and shit is burning to the ground around us.

I hope y’all like the price of gas now. Hold onto that nozzle, matter of fact, I’ve got this Bic that would like to have a word with y’all.

Fucking fuck. Someone do something about this fucking sham.

Fuck.