Y’all.
Dude. Can we please get some Aleve the size of my ego over here, and I mean STAT? Listen to this shit.
Y’all know my neighbors out back, right? Um, hurricane put the tree through the bedroom roof. He shares the back fence with me. It’s finally back up, which is great. However, here’s what isn’t great.
They have a dog, a pit mix, female, probably the same age as Puff but about twice Puff’s size because Puff is half beagle, so she’s like a baby-sized staffie. Anyway, neighbor dog is overall a good dog, but much like Puff, territorial. It’s their nature, no judgement.
The neighbor and his wife are very much dog people, just like me. Their girl is never in the yard alone, whatever. They’re responsible pit owners. I still won’t say otherwise, but listen to this shit.
So, Friday night I’m here in my office and I hear a dog barking. And I mean, the dog is full tilt on that angry and going to fuck you up bark. Like Puff does when someone comes to my door. It’s the “if you take another step, you’re in the find out time slot”. Not good.
This goes on for hours. I mean. Hours. Puffin is so mad, she’s doing her low growl, so I take my big Glock .40, run a perimeter check. I can hear dog in what sounds like my neighbor’s yard, but their yard is weird, and half is my backyard fence, the other half is the road at the cul-de-sac.
So, what sounds like it could be neighbor dog, maybe not. Okay, now I’m concerned, because if it is the neighbor dog, there’s a problem at my neighbor’s house. They don’t leave her out, ever. None. So I think “holy fuck, they’re dead”.
Both cars are there, which is why I’m now tripping. Cold tripping. I text neighbor, but it’s at this point 3am, and most civilized humans aren’t up. Which is why I am. I digress.
Sun comes up, barking stops. I think, okay, wasn’t neighbor dog, random crazy shit, right?
Wrong.
Last night, here we fucking go again. All. Night. Long. I’m talking, I couldn’t believe dog still had a barker left. And still no sign of my neighbor or his wife, who has a terminally ill mother also, so wife is typically doing her care and never home. I’ve literally never seen her, but I have heard her voice through the fence once.
Now I’m really thinking bad shit, like I got a murder suicide and dog is flipping her shit. Still, though, I can’t see the damned dog, I even went around to the front of their house looking, no sign. Just all this fucking barking.
7am. Who is at the fence but my neighbor man. It was their dog. They had to go to said ill mothers in an emergency, dog was home, they just left the back door open for her to go in and out. So she was standing in the fucking doorway that faces the other fence, barking her face off for two nights straight because her parents weren’t home.
Dude, the tenacity alone. Even Puffin isn’t that hardheaded, and y’all know she is a fucking problem child.
Apparently, I didn’t explain myself well at 3am with my, “um, sir, are y’all okay?” question. Although what in the fuck else I could mean, I don’t know, but they’re still on a flip phone, so, enough said.
I said, “Frank, for the love of God, just next time say something, she can come hang here in the Florida room and my yard. This shit was next level barking.”
I have a headache so fucking solid, heating pads, ice packs, and eye masks aren’t touching it. I’m hearing ghost barking tonight. Jesus.
Still better than the way 60% of the pet owners out here treat their pets. We’re out in the sticks now, and I forgot how many people don’t understand that pets aren’t prisoners. So, for her to have an open door to go in and out, really, what can you say?
Anyway, that was my weekend. How was y’alls? I’m going to put my eye mask back on and try to get the bone fragments from my brain.
Next time, I’m just putting the Riffs on and pretending I don’t hear any dogs. This shit just capital F fucked my head. Like, closing one eye to see to type.
Not a good time, folks, definitely not a good time at all.
Glad that Frank and Co. are all well.
In other news, out our way in the BFE Central Oregon place..
It seems some fuckwit racist idgit left our Mayor of Redmond a dead coon and a nasty gram directed at him and the one city councilman, who also happens to be black.
Guess imma just have to get testy because I just don't have any use for racists or fascists.
You realize I had to scan down to the end, to be certain no one was dead, right? Poor baby missed it's folks. Sorry for you, but very glad no dog or person was dead!