Bitchfaces, how is everyone? Oh, that’s fantastic. Unless you are a furry, then you could be having a fucked up day. Let me tell you why, other than the fact that you’re into being a nymphomaniac with restricted bestiality tendencies. Here is why:
At the National Furry Convention (fucking ew, who is sponsoring this, and it better not be near the breakfast buffet), some complete piece of shit decided to grab a random furry head, ejaculate into it, then return it to where they found it.
Now, I know your first question is ‘how could they tell that ejaculate was different than all of the other ejaculate to be found on a furry suit?’, and that was my first question as well. You see, it was inside of the furry head, and that is atypical, or so I’m told.
The zoophile in question performed the deed without his furry head fastened on, and in view of a camera, and has since been identified. The “victim” has started a GoFund Me in an effort to raise the hundreds of dollars necessary to replace the head.
Obviously, dry cleaning never was an option, nor Dryel, but I’ll tell you now that Dryel can take red wine out of white blouses. I feel like these people really aren’t trying that hard, honestly.
Yes, I meant all of those puns. Every. Single. Fucking. One.
Anyway, let this be a lesson to those with fetishes for team mascots, house cats, and Kangaroos. Don’t leave your costumes unattended around the other perverts, lest you get a fucking earful.
That’s it, I’m done. It was the last one, I swear.
-Q
…
‘Scuse me?
Well…eeewwwwww!