Bitchfaces, I know many of you were here back in the day when I had no fucking hint of having my shit together.
When it was all pitbulls and Fuckboys and I couldn’t ascertain who kept leaving the fleas behind. You know, the days before I put myself on this short ass leash.
The ‘flying around by the seat of my pants’ days. The ‘never had a single fuck to give’ days. The days before I let myself get emotional and turn into a fucking titty baby at the drop of a fucking fedora.
No more.
Those soft ass days are officially over. I’m returning to ‘The Queen of Mean’ days, showing up with pits on tow chains to ruin someone’s fucking day, sometimes without even having a good reason.
Because fuck you, that’s why, and I may be back tomorrow.
You know what never happened back then? I never sat around crying like a teenage girl with acne during homecoming. I wouldn’t entertain a thought like that.
The me back then should smack the piss out of the me today. Trust me, I’ve got it coming, y’all.
Let me fill y’all in on what I’ve learned though. Turns out, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known someone, they’ll sneaky snake around your shit just like the average Fuckboy will. Oh, it’s true, don’t think history will make his ass care about you.
He won’t.
No matter what you may have for a bond, I wouldn’t give a fuck if y’all are spackled together, if his ass is for the streets, you can’t do anything with that.
Let him get his ass right on back to the streets. Believe me, he’s going to get there anyway.
So what if you uprooted your whole life and existence because he was in a bad way? He doesn’t give a fuck about that. Trust and believe, when he’s feeling better about himself, he’ll be sending dick pics and calling his exes.
The only thing you can do is fucking mop up the floor with him. In whichever manner you so choose to deliver that mopping.
Me? Oh, it was everything I could do not to put my hands on him.
The audacity. The fucking disrespect. Have me out here looking like a fucking Bozo, and for what? For you?
Mm umm. I think I’ll pass.
Did you check with the neighbors? They may want a Fuckboy who is for the streets, but I’m all filled up over here. Matter of fact, I’ve had enough for the next decade or two, so if I see you out and don’t know you, you fucking had that coming.
That, and then some more, but I’m trying to talk St. Pete into timing his bathroom break with my arrival. I swear, though, should I ever give that dream up, you should probably move somewhere cold and sunless. Anywhere else, I might just wind up that way on a whim.
There she is. I almost put out an APB.
So very happy to see you are back my Queen!